Ok, so this is how you decorate a bedroom. You choose curtains. Takes, approximately, 2 years. If I’m honest, I left ‘most’ of this to Mel. Partly because I’m simply not fussy (I have one rule: no flower designs. Love flowers, hate florals), some might say ‘barely even care and one week after fitting wouldn’t – Read More-
What do you know about Rwanda? Hmmmm… its in Africa… It’s… possibly hot… errrr… lions?… elephants?… in fact it sounds much nicer than England. It’s famous for beautiful hills and it seems a very nice place, predominantly Christian but no-where’s perfect. And the pictures I’ve seen make it seem quite pretty and lovely. So much – Read More-
Tomorrow is the festival of Passover. And Easter. And as Passover is all about ‘telling the story’, you could, if pushed, combine these two festivals, merge them together. So when the Jews finally flee the horrible, sadistic Pharoah who had enslaved them, you could have Jesus leading them through the Red Sea instead of Moses. – Read More-
As Boris Johnson becomes the first ever serving Prime Minister of our fine nation to be convicted of a criminal offence, we need to consider the future. Not just the matter of who should be at number 10 but much wider, grander, deeper: the entire structure of politics in Britain. Sorry: …in Britain!!! So I – Read More-
I think we need to give Akshata Murty a bit of a break. Poor thing. Ok, rich thing. But she’s having a really really bad time at the moment, to such an extent that her husband, Rishi Sunak’s political aspirations are being called into question. And this is Crown Prince Rishi, heir to the throne – Read More-
There’s bad weeks, bad weeks, and then this week. Holy shit. However, due to reporting constraints imposed upon me by the International Board of People Wot make up shit and present it as news, I can’t actually give a full report of the Sunak/Murty affair, until the Inland Revenue, the CIA and Tescos Clubcards give – Read More-
It all started in 1967 when my mate Jimmy called my other mate, Tarquin, a poof, in the school dinner queue, aged 11. That was the first noted case of direct homophobia in the world. At which point I pointed out, over the sausage and chips trays, that ‘in 55 years time you’ll be arrested – Read More-
Well it happened. Arsenal lost. Doesn’t really matter to whom they lost, but lose they did. A whopping 3 nil. Ok, for the sake of ‘old Malkie’, it was his beloved Crystal Palace who saw off the pretentious side of North London football, and with some degree of aplomb. And that result leaves Spurs in – Read More-
The good thing about never winning any trophies, ever, is that you re-align your personal goals. You adjust your aspirations. So that getting a little piece of silverware does NOT become the defining feature of the entire season. Otherwise fans of teams who never win anything would be in a state of constant depression and – Read More-
The mailman came to work yesterday and handed me the post. It’s what they do. When they feel so inclined. And there were two letters from the City of London Corporation, Environment department!! But like that, with exclamation marks (in my mind) because they never write to me. They don’t phone me, nothing. It’s like – Read More-