It’s my birthday soon. Very soon. I’m not fishing for presents. There again… And I will be… 65 years old! So I’d just like to say: FUCK! ME! How could that even happen? My old dad, at 96, probably feels the same, but a lot more so. How do we ‘suddenly’ change from 23 to – Read More-
Jo Biden has arrived on these shores. His first major challenge was the steps of Air Force One. Didn’t look too convincing if I’m honest, being a bit steep and… stair-like, for a man with 80 years of hip strain and knee issues behind him, but he made it onto English soil with just a – Read More-
So Covid came. And then… (pause for dramatic effect), it MUTATED!!! Into a ‘variant’. Which is pretty much ‘same shit different day’ but its called a variant because its slightly modified whilst being fundamentally the same. Viruses evolve. Very quickly. They do the evolutionary equivalent of ‘monkeys to men’ in about 9 days. (He says – Read More-
I just don’t do ‘shopping’. If you doubt that, just go look in my wardrobe. I don’t mind food shopping. But clothes? CLOTHES???? I can’t even do it online. How the fuck are you supposed to buy shoes online? How can that work? But I needed new jeans. And realised that no-one was going to – Read More-
Oh wow, congratulations and mazzletovs all round, Harry and Meg produced another sproglette. An almost royal one. Not sure about its exact status in the ‘line’ but I’m guessing: low. Just below the Duke of Kent’s butler but still higher than The Emperor of All of Rutland. And in deference to all that is lovely – Read More-
What’s your absolute favourite film of all time? The Godfather? Nah, too Italian. The Italian Job? Nah, I only wanted you to blow the bloody doors off. Shawshank Redemption? Nah, too… oh, its Stephen King, I don’t like him. Gone with the Wind? Nah, too slushy. Annie Hall? W**dy All*n??? Are you JOKING!!!! The Sound – Read More-
Portugal has been ‘closed’ again. Was open, or ‘green’, as we now call it, everyone booked flights and holidays and then… it went ‘Amber’. You can still go but when you return home they put you in prison in Folkestone with seven thousand asylum seekers from Syria and Afghanistan for a month. (Some of these – Read More-
This will surprise you: I’m not really into cosmetics. I know, its a shock. People look at me and assume that I must have skin regime that takes hours a day, that I spend endless time preening and primping and probably using Botox and fillers and all manner of heinous shit. But I don’t. This – Read More-
I’m having a serious deja-vu moment with my football team. I get that Harry Kane is going to leave, I understand his reasons and have sympathy with his decision, totally. Disloyal FUCKER!! And thus, as ever, we must ‘move on’, we must ‘think of the future’. So after wondering if we in fact have one, – Read More-
Let me tell you about MY Joey. Little Jojo, who turned 2 this week. Because what I have to tell may shock, may horrify or may even having you calling the Police. You see Joey is the most adoringly lovable little boy ever. And I state that with total certainty, with the statistics drawn from – Read More-