The National ‘Elf Service is apparently inundated with people… errrrr… with people… turning up demanding to be… to be… to be… to be checked for possible altzheimers. They forget where they put the car keys and so immediately take a… errrr, black thing… light on the top… yeah, take a taxi to the hospital requesting – Read More-
How did we ever become so celebrified? Why is ‘celebrity’ the most sought after, the most revered, the most… most celebrated thing in modern society? Whassit all abaaart? The front page of the Times today, like this one on the Mirror (but I couldn’t find a nice pic of the Times, its too hi-brow to – Read More-
I might as well get in the queue now for the i-watch. Where should I stand? Which sleeping bag should I take? How many weeks do I need to take off work so I’m first in line? I don’t need one. I don’t want one. But on the basis that I didn’t want or need – Read More-
There’s a new programme on tv. Another competition. Songs ain’t enough. Voices ain’t enough. X-factor karaoke shit-heads is insufficient. Bakers. Chefs. Dancers. Britain’s got (very little) Talent. Maggot-eaters in Australia. Apprentices. Never enough. So they’re doing one on artists. Painters. The next Chagall. A future Constable. Rembrandt for the Facebook generation. I know this to – Read More-
Every day I count my blessings. And then I count the good reasons for not going to Birmingham. There’s never exactly a good reason for going to the ‘2nd City’ (phah! Chicago it ain’t) but I just like to make long lists of great reasons not to go there. Just in case I get the – Read More-
That is the headline in Today’s Times magazine. Are men the new women? And what the fuck is that supposed to mean? That we lactate? Forget how to park the car? Say ‘no more naan bread for me, six is more than enough, and I’ll pass on another beer too’?? But they don’t exactly explain – Read More-
We’re having an election. In my country. To find a new government. In May. And we shall replace this current coalition with a proper government. Fit to rule over England. And possibly some of Scotland (for the time being), a bit of Wales and small pieces of Ireland. And as the general consensus is that – Read More-
10 games to go. Just 10. Or 11 if you’re Spurs. Chelsea too have 11 to play. As do Leicester. But if Leicester were given another 15 as well, they’d still end up bottom. And now we have ‘predictions’. Ok, we’ve been having them all season. Chelsea ‘won the league’ back in November really. Then – Read More-
They showed this photo on the news last night. And I thought; ‘wow! a bird giving a… a something a lift; brilliant! Nature is so symbiotic and wonderful; ain’t life (other than cup finals) fabulous’. That’s what I thought. And it all happened in Essex. Which really should have at least made me question the – Read More-
We call them ‘the Elgin Marbles’, the Greeks, who don’t really count any more because they’re bankrupt, call them the Parthenon Sculptures. And they live in the British Museum where all worthwhile antiquities should live. The Queen’s moving there soon. But unlike the Queen, or even Tutankhamun, who was merely ‘on loan’, we (the people – Read More-