We all know about ‘splitting the atom’, it happened a hundred years ago. In Manchester, oddly. Lot of bad things happen up there. But Ernest Rutherford ‘split an atom’ and released a shitload of energy. Later they ‘invented’ nuclear fission, yer bog-standard, chain-reaction type atom-splitting thing. It wasn’t until Robert Oppenheimer came along and turned – Read More-
I don’t do ‘yoga’. Which used to be skinny south Asian people sitting under trees cross-legged for 16 hours with their eyes closed and pinky fingers aligned to enhance the force or create a karmic orgasm or whatever the fuck they were doing it for. Now its for not-so-skinny white women and its all about – Read More-
Listen: we coped with losing the football on Saturday night; we can cope with a little snow, FFS!! We are England!!! However, once I’ve put down my 6 foot cross of St George flag, covered up my ‘BNP’ tattoos and changed out of my steel-capped Doc Martens, I realised that there may in fact be – Read More-
Oh no, its the tragedy or tragedies: England are OUT of the World Cup. Even though it was ‘coming home’ (stupid fucking expression), it has decided to stay away for another 4 years. Possibly somewhere warmer. Argentina or maybe Morocco. Hopefully not France because… well, just on principle. But not England. Won’t be coming here. – Read More-
Tonight England play France in the biggest match since matches began. Mainly because the game being played is always the most important ever because nothing in the past is relevant and even I can’t predict the future. And I’m brilliant. So why do I waste my time and efforts reading the pundits, the analysis, the – Read More-
So there it was. Finally. After literally months of eager anticipation. In front of my very eyes. Harry and Meg: the Series!!! Full of venom, hatred, lust, death, violence, accusations, implications, devastations and repercussions of a truly royal nature!!! Except… it wasn’t. I was expecting Reservoir Dogs of the Monarchs and got Love Story goes – Read More-
“Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you”. That phrase was invented by Black Sabbath in nineteen-seventy-whenever after the release of their only ever single: Paranoid. It’s a brilliant song. All their songs were brilliant. Really ‘dark’, fucking LOUD and totally brilliant. They had to be played loud. If you turned – Read More-
Who’s your hero? Batman? Einstein? Weinstein? Churchill? Primrose Hill? Gary Linneker? Gary Neville? Gary Glitter? Emiline Pankhurst? Bob Dylan? Bob Hope? Nelson Mandela? Lord Nelson? Donald Trump? Donald Duck? So many worthies to elevate to the very top of one’s personal list. Mine is Pele. No competition, no-one even close. I was 10 in 1966, – Read More-
Well, the excitement in our house last night was positively palpable. Pulsating. Possibly psychologically psychedelic (I know, but I ran out of ‘p’-words which sound like ‘p’-words). It was pspectacular. Even Mel, not the world’s keenest football fan, was so moved by the occasion that she actually looked up from our latest jigsaw puzzle for – Read More-
Everyone has their ‘ambulance’ story. My aunt had a heart attack and waited 73 hours for an ambulance. The undertaker only took 42 minutes. My grandma fell over and broke her hip. She died of starvation waiting for paramedics. Even us, when Joey banged a big hole in his head, his dad said to call – Read More-