So what do you do when you get divorced and sell the family home? You can either be a limp-wristed, pussy-whipped ladyboy (if its possible to upset more people with so few words, let me know how) and get a nice little pied-a-terre in Tooting with your share of the sale (cos in and around – Read More-
I love Scandinavians. Ever since my mate had a Swedish au pair in 1971, I’ve been in love with the entire sub-continent. Basically because they’re all the same, Swedes, Norweiges, Finns, but also because they were always more ‘liberated’ than us crusty Brits. And for the 15 year-old me, ‘liberated’ meant (possibly still does): don’t – Read More-
Sometimes statistics is stupid and pointless but sometimes it serves a valid and useful purpose. I’m not talking about political analytical numbers, that’s all bollocks, similarly drug trials, who needs ‘em? But they did a big analysis about take-out food. Now that is important. And exceptionally interesting. Mainly because this ‘fish’n’chip nation’ is losing its – Read More-
When someone near and dear dies you need a bit of comfort. At the very least. Even if its a very very old person who no-one could work out how they’d lived so long in the first place. It doesn’t matter. Someone loved and cherished is no longer with us; send in the hugs. All – Read More-
It just goes to show; never say never. Salman Rushdie, the author, thought he’d… outgrown?, outlasted? his fatwa, thought he was over it and then, Ka-baam!, he’s stabbed giving a lecture in upstate New York. Land of the brave (which he was), home of the free (which he hadn’t been since 1989). Because in that – Read More-
My lovely old dad died on Wednesday. And people ask: ‘was it sudden?’, to which I reply, ‘no, its taken 97 years’. Because he died of old age. It all just packed up. Slowly, gradually until over the last couple of years he had virtually no sight, very poor hearing and was ‘mobile’ with a – Read More-
We all love a good book-burning, there’s no doubt about that. Standing at Oxford Circus round a great big bonfire in which great works (phah) of literature turn slowly to ashes as we all warm up and sing ‘gin-gan-gooly’ type songs. Bonding. As the Brontë bindings burn. Even though its August and hotter than the – Read More-
Do you like cauliflower? That’s the question. I can’t answer for you. Not this time. As a kid I would run out the house if my mum cooked cauliflower, the smell revolted me, wouldn’t get anywhere near my plate. And then… something changes as you start shaving, when you change from little squirt to Man – Read More-
We need to talk about Manchester United. No, we really do. I’m not one to gloat at others’ misfortunes nor use petty rivalries to mock the afflicted, and especially after just one match played so far in this new, fresh-start, begin-as-you-mean-to-go-on, state your intentions, football season. Though many will find the situation rather amusing. Mainly – Read More-
The two most important days in the football league season are opening day and the closing day. So why is more importance given to the league table after the closing day than the first day? It’s wrong. It’s discriminatory, random, rude and not nice. Therefore I’m starting a petition to use the table from the – Read More-