I’m standing outside the toilets in Debenhams, simply ‘bustin’ for a piss. I’ve been waiting here for 14 months, for the equality guidance report to be finished, so I know which toilet I can go in. None are currently marked ‘super-heroic, totally manly, testicles essential, boys-only, condoms sold here, geezers-with-nobs’ or anything vaguely alluding to – Read More-
Not only my football team are ‘on the brink’ of DESTRUCTION!!!, but this morning my beloved car presented me with this message! That car to me is like a third grandchild; a second wife (possibly first!!!). I would say a third daughter but this is the first time it’s given me any trouble so it’s – Read More-
You’re driving along the motorway, maybe listening to The Eagles, when two tyres simultaneously blow out, the car rolls, smashes into a wall. But miraculously… you’re OK!! You manage to climb out of the wreckage, shaken but not broken, feeling so lucky to be alive. And a dog comes by and bites you on the – Read More-
Mel loves Peonies. We all have problems. But like, she REALLY loves them. And they’re only around for a short season. So the cynical, demand-driven, bastard flower-sellers make them expensive. But not so expensive that if you love them you won’t buy them anyway. You’ll just eat less in peony season. I like them too. – Read More-
The last time a team won the Scottish football league, OTHER THAN CELTIC OR RANGERS, was in 1984. Alex Ferguson’s Aberdeen. Yesterday, in a ‘knock-out’ final match, Celtic played Herts in a (almost) winner takes all match. If they had drawn, Herts would have claimed the title. But alas and with an inevitability greater than – Read More-
You know me. I love a protest. A march. A rally. Get any three people together and I’ll pitch up with some relevant banners, flags or placards and lead the march, make a speech, jeer and boo, whatever. It’s a compulsion. Marchamania. I’m a protestaphile. But I’m not marching today. No. When possibly the 2 – Read More-
This promises to be the best weekend ever! It’s like the carnival has come to town! Not only is it the Eurovision Song Contest final!!!, which is the world’s finest exhibition of diversity, inclusivity and various degrees of abject poofery, but now we have the Labour leadership competition AT THE SAME TIME!!!! Totally brilliant. Though – Read More-
I live in a conservation area. Rule 1. You MUST have a hedge. No little brick walls, no iron gates with attack dogs, but a hedge. And for about 8 months of the year we have a kind of ‘apology’ for a hedge. Because it’s not ‘normal’ hedge stuff, but beech trees. And they’re deciduous – Read More-
So I was listening to LBC phone-in radio this morning. Because I like winding myself up into full angry mode before I eat my peanut butter on toast. Its just the way I am. But I truly deeply madly love Nick Ferrari because he manages to call people total moronic assholes in a lovely, charming – Read More-
There was a little girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. And when she was good she was very, very good, and when she was bad she was horrid! And thus: Mathys Tel. When he was good he was very very good, and when he was bad he was – Read More-