“They’ve treated Luis like a dog!!!!” said his grandma yesterday after the ban was imposed on her sweet little grandson. Well, actually, Mrs Suarez, they haven’t. Dogs that bite get shot. I was going to tell her that revelation myself but I couldn’t find the Spanish for ‘buck-toothed shit-for-brains nob’. I hope Barcelona are very – Read More-
Do you know the word peony? If you do then, according to a survey, you are 96% more likely to be female. If you’re a man and you know a peony, you’re probably gay, even if you haven’t realised it yet. Or a heterosexual florist. I know what a peony is because I’m a totally – Read More-
For some the World Cup is a virtual feast of non-stop footballing wonders. For others, (well, for one), its an all-you-can-eat buffet. International cuisine. But the matter of Luis will be resolved today. One way or another. His sad plea of ‘we just banged into each other’ is in slight contradiction to the film of – Read More-
what do you fancy? A curry? Chinese? Italian?? Luis Suarez. I mean: what the f***? But really; WHAT THE F***???? And at what point does a ‘moment of insanity’ in ‘the heat of the moment’, temporarily ‘losing it’ become a bit of a problem? A pattern. When does the odd isolated action evolve into serial – Read More-
Wimbledon starts today. The best tennis tournament in the world. Well, the only one I watch, which means it must be the best. Right? I never watch the French, all that clay and 87-shot rallies, nor the Aussie, as its on in the middle of the night, and the same for the American, though that’s – Read More-
Call me naive. Call me unwordly, unstreetwise, unrealistic. Call me Rhoda for all I care. But I was actually shocked on Friday morning when my butcher, a good honest Spurs fan, told me of England’s error as he perceived it. ‘Should’a stuck one on Suarez’s injured leg in the first 10 minutes, got him off – Read More-
I’ve noticed something. Done some tests. Made an hypothesis. Using very small sample numbers. Mainly; my family. And this is what I’ve found. That ‘kids’ (young adults/late teens) don’t want to watch the same tv programmes that we do. Yeah, nothing revolutionary about that, I loved Monty Python as a kid, my mum hated it. – Read More-
Last night, before the kick-off, I received an email from the letters dude at the Evening Standard, asking me to send a letter about the football, whatever the result. Like what am I: ‘letters-R-us’?? But that’s the way it works. You ask for letters and make it appear like they’re the spontaneous outpourings of a – Read More-
In an opinion poll, 49% of people think Ed Miliband, the Labour Party leader, should be replaced. They don’t say with what. Perhaps a nice lampshade for the corner of the room? A salt-beef sandwich on rye? Flat screen tv? Though my initial reaction was: ‘what the fuck is wrong with the other 51% of – Read More-
Fantastic news: crabs can hear!!! Yeah, really, those creepy, side-walking little tasty crustacea (and sometimes scarily big crustacea) can hear things. Scientists have shown. Like they needed to spend ‘our’ hard-earned dollars on that. Have they never seen Finding Nemo? Not only can crabs hear, they can speak, dance, drive cars and parachute out of – Read More-