Ok, so lockdown is not quite so much fun in the dull, cold and drizzle as it is in the brilliant sunshine, so we can go back to work now. With our masks. Which, I’ve now decided, are positively discriminatory!!! Yes, I’m taking masks to a tribunal. Because they discriminate against smokers. Not that I – Read More-
This is my new look. It’s a bit like my old look but with a fucking great ‘thing’ stuck across my face. Hiding some of the beauty. All of the beard. Steaming up my glasses. Making me hot and sweaty, in a re-breathy kind of way. And from a back-to-work perspective, it also removes 90% – Read More-
Let’s invent a scenario. An unlikely scenario. In fact the most unlikely scenario anyone’s imagined since the great plague of 1665. Let’s say that a virus ‘escaped’ onto the planet, sent by aliens. Ok, I mean ‘alien’ as defined by UK Borders, rather than by Isaac Asimov or anyone in the eponymous movie. So this – Read More-
Lockdown is eased today! Which I initially thought: what the fuck??? Like, why announce last wednesday that easing will take place in 5 days time? Why not ‘now’? Why not ‘from tomorrow’? Ahhhh, its to stop people gathering on the beach at Bournemouth over the weekend, ahhhhhh. And how did that work, exactly? Oh, there – Read More-
For all those who have temporarily ‘paused’ their sky sports subscriptions (and if you haven’t, just email them and they’ll give you a credit from the last match played), it is fast approaching the time to… un-pause!!! Because on June 17th (the day after my birthday, if you’re interested, and car showrooms are open from – Read More-
I’ll come clean. Childcare is an issue. For Dominic Cummings. For Lila’s mum. For me. Possibly all for different reasons. But similar outcome. Which is: social distancing is all well and good as a general, over-riding concept or principle, with good intentions and part of a deeply flawed and pretty ill-conceived plan (other countries have – Read More-
Ahhhh, Dominic Cummings; the gift that keeps giving. Now elevated to national hate-figure and pariah, the devil incarnate (he always had it in him), and the embodiment of the expression: when you’re in a hole, STOP DIGGING. Or he should be. He’s bright enough to know that pathetic excuses will be viewed as such by – Read More-
Today the esteemed Master Joseph Conway Bell reaches the immense milestone of his first birthday. Yesterday he was ‘zero’, today he is 1. The difference is marked. Yet really, every day is a milestone at that kind of age. He dribbles a bit less. Ok, not much but a bit. He crawls faster, stands more, – Read More-
It’s over. Man wins. Shed succumbs to the inevitable force and… becomes a shed. Maybe its Man 1, 1 shed. All but the door. Which apparently, in normal sheds is actually attached. But this is no normal shed. This is a SUPERSHED and thus the door just sits there. Awaiting someone stronger than Mel who – Read More-
As a nutritional expert I have reached a conclusion about a certain class of foods. In my ongoing (lifelong) study of all ‘things wot get eaten’, which has obviously reached new, improved levels since lockdown as we seem to be eating 8 meals a day. The days of a tuna sandwich or a chicken baguette – Read More-