Look, it’s not just Jesus who celebrates his birthday in December, 2 days ago I had my 69-and-a-half-th birthday. Thanks for your fucking cards!!! And good tidings!! Anyway, as old age rushes upon me so quickly that even I realise I might have to stop acting like an adolescent any time soon, one must concern oneself with the possibility of horrible things happening. The most horrible of which (though it’s a close call) being dementia. All the other potential horrors will kill you; dementia doesn’t. It just ‘removes you’, whilst you’re still there. So we’re all very careful and follow the guidelines, to hopefully avoid this true curse on the aged. I did know people who were quite demented when they were 16 but I think that’s different.

And reading the newspaper advice columns, as I do a bit and Mel does religiously and takes notes, this is my plan to hopefully avoid that disease.

Stay thin. Mainly because fat people can look demented even when they’re not. Exercise a lot. Do lots of puzzle games. And sleep a lot. The most consistent message you get from the quacks and charlatans writing in papers is sleep. The more the better. So when are you supposed to find the time to do all the sudoku puzzles and crosswords if you’re in bed for 16 hours a night, then going to the gym for 4 hours upon waking? There’s barely time to eat! Which you must do. And in today’s paper, yet another ‘dementia prevention advice’ piece telling us to eat cheese. High fat cheese, to be precise. And lots of it. Because a study (probably financed by the cheese marketing board) showed that eating fatty cheese makes you so many percent less likely to succumb to dementia.

Whereas in the cardiac/cholesterol department next door, they probably have a slightly different view. And we love a different view, regardless of how stupid it may be.

Like yesterday, f’rinstance. The government finally decided (it only took 65 people being shot to get them to ‘get it’) that saying ‘globalise the intifada’ is a declaration of world-wide war on Jews. So they’ve sort of ‘banned it’. And arrested someone, a Mr Dickhead from Bromsgrove, for shouting it at a rally yesterday. I’ll guess it was ironically called ‘a peace rally’, at which you shout for war and death. But one organisation (not ‘Palestine Action’, they’re banned, so probably ‘Action for Palestine’) invoked their right to ‘free speech’, and furthermore pleaded that you SHOULD be able to shout ‘globalise the intifada’ as part of a peaceful protest. Starting a war for peace. Interesting concept. But more to the point, that phrase is not so much a declaration of war as an intention to commit genocide. Yes, the ‘g’ word. This time used in the correct context and literally. Murder all Jews, is what it says.

But get ‘em quickly, before they get dementia.

Happy Thursday

A xxxx