I’m going to Africa. Sub-Saharan. Because it seems to be the only place in the world safe from Coronavirus. I appreciate I might get kidnapped by pirates, slaughtered in a military coup or eaten by a tiger, possibly even a tider if Lila comes with me, and even though there aren’t any in Africa, but – Read More-
OMGeeeeeee!!!!! Book flights now (Coronavirus notwithstanding) and let’s GO! It’s amazing. It’s the most… amazing (did I say that?), incredible, sensational, amazing (?), fantabulously incredulously stupendifying thing EVERRRRRR!!! And it opens in May. We just MUUUUUST go. Cancel plans, tell work, put the breast implants on hold for a month, leave the liposuction for this – Read More-
This is the idea, right? You have two (main, but really, only two) political parties. And they disagree with each other, that’s their job, but agree among themselves. That’s their duty. And only to the degree that their party are acting in the best interests of their constituents. And are morally on message. And aren’t – Read More-
‘Do you fancy going to see the Van Gogh exhibition at the South Bank? We’re free next Sunday afternoon?’ Which loosely translates as: YOU are taking ME to see the Van Gogh next Sunday regardless of whatever match Sky are showing at 4 and there’s no fucking debate!!! I’m an art lover. Ok, I’m quite – Read More-
On your phone, your computer, your ‘devices’ there’s always a facility for ‘sharing’. Like I’m doing with this photo. And that’s a good thing. Sharing photos is good. Sharing food is incitement to riot. Declaration of war. An act of aggression which WILL BE MET WITH FORCE!!!! Everyone knows that ‘sharing plates’ at a restaurant – Read More-
Today is the battle for 4th place in the Premier league. Chelsea currently occupy that space, Spurs, just one point below them, need a win to overtake them. It’s a battle. It’s a war. It’s… its fucking horrible. I hate such games. Whenever spurs ‘just’ need to win/draw/score more than one/concede less than 2/survive for – Read More-
Norovirus is a common affliction. 380,000 cases are found each year. Coincidentally the exact same number as doner kebabs sold each year. That’s a joke actually. I would say ‘in poor taste’, but I love doner kebabs, so I won’t. Novovirus is also known as ‘winter vomiting bug’. One of many classes of Food poisoning. – Read More-
For breakfast, I eat a banana. And an apple. Because my body’s a temple, apparently a fruitarian one, and I don’t want it looking like the Taj Mahal. Yet really, its not about that at all. I eat a banana because its good and, even more oddly in any ‘nutrition conversation’, I like them. And – Read More-
“My life is ruined!!!” “This is worst day everrrrrrr!!!” “If ever you needed proof that there is no God, this is it!!!” Heung Min Son has broken his arm. A tragedy of such magnitude that you have to go back to the start of various wars, natural disasters and horrendous fires to come up with – Read More-
So the government hired a ‘consultant’ as a researcher, forecaster and, weirdo and misfit, so as to meet the stringent criteria laid out by the weirdo and misfit in chief, Dominic Cummings. Who wanted to get the government into a new place, new ideas, no more bunch of apathetic old middle class white men, bring – Read More-