If you were around in the 1970s, you’ll remember it was ‘sit-com’ ground zero for British humour. Loads of sit-coms; they just ‘exploded’ into life, like the Cambrian Explosion, when millions of diverse life-forms just ‘appeared’ on the planet. So with comedy shows. Some were brilliant. Like Steptoe & Son. Some were abysmal. Like On the Buses. Some were (by today’s standards) exceptionally racist, like Love Thy Neighbour. And some just became part of your life. Like The Good Life. Stupid concept whereby a ‘comfortable’, middle-class couple give up working and decide to eat what they grow and ‘leave the rat-race behind’. Idealistic twaddle, obviously, but fun whilst doing it. Why was it so popular? Because it starred Felicity Kendall. Who was gorgeous beyond normally acceptable levels of gorgeousness. And Penelope Keith (who sadly died about 2 weeks ago), possibly the funniest woman ever to ‘tread the boards’. Certainly the driest. It just worked. Everybody loved it.

And stupid though the concept might be; of going ‘off grid’ and turning your garden into wheat fields, with cows and sheep for… cow and sheep stuff, and maybe chickens. For eggs. And soup. It’s not a life for vegans. I wouldn’t have a beansprout in my home.

So we’ve started. With this tomato bush. We grow them every year. You buy a little plant for about a quid. You water it and it becomes monstrous and then… and then… you get tomatoes!!! Like… free!!! I picked on to put in my sandwich yesterday. It was wonderful. Tomato flavoured. So I thought… we could do this. Grow lettuces (hate them; waste of chewing), courgettes (the devil’s food; awful things), radishes (fine but how many can you eat ffs?), and a chicken. So we could eat egg salad every day and be totally ‘self sufficient’. And with the ‘surplus’, the extra cabbages and carrots we don’t need, we could ‘barter’ with them. To fill the cars up. Buy jewellery. We’d turn up at the cinema with a wheelbarrow full of potatoes. It would work! Everyone needs potatoes.

Of course, hose pipe bans don’t help with the agro-project, but those bans don’t apply in my house. Until I get caught.

We’re on week 2… possibly 3, of the reign of Andy Burnham and other than parts of England burning down (well it’s his fucking country, innit? He should be more careful), nothing too radical has occurred. In fact nothing at all has occurred. He spoke up against Gianni Infantino who is now running with tail between his horrible, scrawny, corrupt little Italian legs. If he survives this weekend then there is no justice and no chance for world football.

Right, I’m going to my garden to plant my cheeseburger seeds. The guy who sold them to me said they work really well. In shady areas. Bit like him, really.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx