Don’t panic. And don’t go to Kent. Then you should be fine. Ok, don’t talk to anyone who has been to Kent in the last 5 days. Or anyone who’s been to Club Chemistry, in Kent, ever. In fact, be careful of people who know people from Kent. Or those who knows someone who knows someone who once went there.

Meningitis B is a real fucker. I realise that anything that starts with the word ‘meningitis’ is something to be avoided, but that B is for ‘bummer’. Because it can kill you. And it did kill two kids last weekend. Its a very invasive infection around the brain, leading to septicaemia and other fun things.

Of course, you can vaccinate, as they do to babies now. But anyone who was a baby before 2015 is… basically… fucked. Especially if you’re a teenager, and even more so if you’re at the University of Kent. Or thereabouts. Going to clubs, exchanging bodily fluids, snogging, clubbing, passing joints around, any kind of close proximity fondling. Though its hard to fondle from afar. So if a student down there tells you ‘he got fucked last night’, you’ll need a clarification. Whether to call Andrew Tate or an undertaker.

The government could then have rolled out a vaccination plan for those pre-2015-ers, but… didn’t. Nah. Not a big problem. Not now. Expensive. Don’t need it.

Because you never need something until you do. The you REALLY need it. And it would have been nice, because if this thing spreads we’re all doomed. This is like Covid with a vengeance. This is ‘bring out yer dead’ all over again. The second time since 1665.

John the Postman (lovely geezer… red jacket… green van… all round the City) watches ‘GB News’. Well someone has to. Nigel Farage and Tommy Robinson and Steve Banon can’t keep it going by themselves, ya know! And he learned that the meningitis was probably brought over by immigrant boat-people. Possibly. Which is why its in Kent. Where they land.

Oh, that’s ok then. Cos Covid was local. Well, China. Pretty local. And look how that turned out.

GOD HELP USSSSSSSS…

A xxxx