‘Hands off her!!!’ is nothing to do with the police force. Not in this context anyway. Its actually plenty to do with our ‘sexist, racist, misogynist, homophobic’ police, who rape, molest and grope, apparently quite regularly, all of them, but that’s for another time.

This particular use of the expression is more figurative than literal. On the assumption that neither me no Sathnam Sanghera, from the Times, has ever laid a hand on Taylor Swift. Though probably not for want of trying. In either case.

But his article, entitled ‘my midlife crush on Taylor Swift’, is nothing short of emotional appropriation! I’m consulting lawyers as I write this. Although appreciate I may end up in court myself, even if only the court of woke public opinion on charges of ‘objectification’ and for persistently being an ancient, cis-male, middle-class, white, non-trans, lecherous bastard. Mea culpa.

Sathnam talks like he is the only ‘old-ish’ man to become a ‘fan’ of TS. Like he’s some kind of arriviste inspiration. Where there must be… well, there’s me, that’s one, me mate Ronnie, that’s two… thousands of old men who lust over the woman. And then justify it, or advertise it as ‘musical appreciation’.

I first became aware of the Ms Swift when she was really just a gel (can I say that???), on Jules Holland (thus she arrived with 100% musical validation), when her first ever single, Love Story, was released in 2008. It changed my life. Ok, not really, just figure of speech. But she was a fantastically talented songwriter and singer, writing precisely the songs that resonate completely with 15 year-old girls and middle-aged men. Since then she’s been prolific in her output. None of which I’ve ever bought or downloaded, if I’m totally honest, but that doesn’t mean I don’t listen to them. I just do it for free.

But if there’s one thing that elevates the merely ‘beautiful’ into the totally ‘must have’, that is intelligence. Not just mine. Hers. She’s clever, she’s witty, political and strong, taking no shit from no-one. Of course, if she looked like Hilda Ogden there’d be no amount of fantastic lyrics that would engage me. Does that make me a bad person? Yeah, probably does.

Basically, I’ve had a crush on Taylor (as I call her) for 15 years. I don’t need no trumped up, pervy journo trying to steal MY woman. Get yer own or I’ll cancel my subscription!!!!

Annoyed of NW11

xxxx