Under our new manager, Thomas Frank, Spurs have opted for a revolutionary method of team selection. The model is familiar in NFL, where your team members are role specific. So your ‘defence’ team is 11 completely different geezers from your ‘offence’ team. Then you have 11 more on ‘special teams’. And a few spares. So Spurs now have a ‘home’ team and an ‘away’ team. What confuses the issue a bit is that the two teams call themselves by the same names. So you have one ‘Pedro Porro’, shirt number ’23’, for home games and a completely different ‘Pedro Porro’, shirt number ’23’ for away ones. Frank has installed this system to cope with the fundamental differences between playing at home, in Tottenham, and away, in foreign lands (Liverpool) and unfriendly places (Manchester). In that home games are generally… errrr… more… sort of ‘home-ish’ and the away ones… further away. Each has its own and unique set of problems.

Obviously we’re still in ‘prototype’ mode, currently, and the results are mixed. The ‘away team’ are quite brilliant. Stuffed Manchester City, thrashed Brighton and, just yesterday, showed the necessary contempt for the ‘we’ve never lost in our new stadium’ arrogance at Everton. Well, they have lost there now. Defeated quite magnificently by the Spurs Away 11. NOT to be confused with any superficial physical and nominal similarities to the 11 hapless, imbecilic, misguided, clueless and gutless morons who lost at home to Villa last weekend. And got beaten by bottom of the table Wolves in their previous attempt to try and play what they loosely call ‘football’.

So the answer is simple; just play the ‘away team’ every week, sell the entire home team and stop ‘shutting up shop’ when we have a lead in the game. And we’ll win the league!!!

Because if we don’t, its looking, even this early in the season, like it could be the doomsday scenario. Arsena-geddon. Liverpool have completely lost the plot, Manchester City go from ‘TOTALLY UNBEATABLE!!!’ to ‘heap of shit’ in a matter of days and Chelsea, thankfully, aren’t in the mix. So the main threats seem to be Spurs (hmmmm…), Sunderland and Bournemouth.

Well I’m up for the challenge. Not sure if my team is, but I’m fucking ON IT!!!

Happy increase-my-medication Monday

A xxxx