The two most important days in the football league season are opening day and the closing day. So why is more importance given to the league table after the closing day than the first day? It’s wrong. It’s discriminatory, random, rude and not nice. Therefore I’m starting a petition to use the table from the first day, as above, as the absolute, ultimate and final assessment of greatness, victory and best-est-ness. And not just because we’re above Arsenal, but because we’re above EVERYBODY!!!!!

Amazon’s such a shit company. They’re never going to succeed. Ok, they sell a few bits and bobs, own half of the known universe (and are building rockets to sort out the rest), but they remain the most annoying of companies.

I had an awful realisation yesterday. I’d run out of tennis balls. Holy shit!!! I have hundreds and hundreds of them, and now, my cupboard is bare. And I need a new canister. Because playing at my standard, we need a “new balls” situation at least every 3 months. I googled them and up comes Amazon, first, cheapest, free-est delivery, fastest and fucking annoying-est. Ordered my few dozen and went to check out. Which is where the problem started.

YOU NEED AMAZON PRIME!!!! It told me.
Actually, I don’t. We have it on Mel’s account and I’d use that if I needed it now. So no, press the tiny little, afterthought button thingy that says ‘continue without Prime’, once you find it, way down low.

And it took me the checkout page which informed me I was on Prime, even though I wasn’t, and had to ‘find the way out’. Then, obviously, it could tell I was really interested so offered me the Prime credit card. The Prime t-shirt, coffee cups, underpants. Which I dutifully rejected. And went to ‘pay’.

Just in case I’d changed my mind and total attitude to Prime since the last time I rejected it, I was offered it another 6 times before my payment was accepted. And, rejecting each one as it was presented, I finally reached the ‘thank you for your order’ page. Eventually. That was too hard. Not ordering, that’s easy. Ordering without being kidnapped by Prime. But, phew!

I later checked my emails. The first one: ‘welcome to Amazon Prime!’

Noooooooooooo!!!!!

I immediately went and cancelled it, because its free, but only for a month. Cancelling is not easy. “Are you sure???” “These are the benefits you’ll LOSE!!!” “Don’t you just want a reminder before renewal???”

So a brief message to Jeff Bezos and Amazon Prime:

FUCK OFF, WILL YA?!!!!!!

Happy Sunday

A xxxx