I have a routine. Everyone has routines. They’re unchanging. That’s why they’re routines. I emerge from my shower, apply various beauty products, none of which seem to have any noticeable effect, dress and come down for breakfast. A banana. Because I’m healthy. Because I’m calorie conscious. Because I’m an athlete!!! And mostly because they don’t have a breakfast buffet here where I can eat half a pig, the output of the henhouse and an entire bakery, like they have in Mexico. And I write to you.

So why is this day different from all others? Because I read in the paper that Emma Raducanu is playing Coco Gauff in the Aussie Open. Today!!! Or, possibly, ‘tonight’, could be ‘tomorrow’, you never know about days and times over there. But it started at 8am UK time. The only time that actually matters. I looked at my watch: 7.59!!! Game on.

We never turn the tv on during the day. Only for football. House rule. And Andrew Marr on Sunday morning, though he’s turned into Laura Kuensberg which is not quite so compelling. But for Emma? And Coco???

To watch Emma I’d climb a mountain. Fortunately I don’t have to; we don’t got none in our house. For Andy Murray I wouldn’t be prepared to turn around. Emma and Coco is something else though. They’re both incredible tennis players. And they’re both incredibly gorgeous. And hit the ball so fucking hard. I love tennis and bizarrely, I love gorgeous athletic women.

Its almost the best thing ever. Its like a supercharged V8 Dodge, made of chocolate. Its like Spurs beating Arsenal last Sunday. It’s like Harry and Meghan hugging Wills and Kate, but if you actually cared.

And now I have to go to work. Maybe I’ll call in sick. Lovesick.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx