Let’s invent a scenario. An unlikely scenario. In fact the most unlikely scenario anyone’s imagined since the great plague of 1665. Let’s say that a virus ‘escaped’ onto the planet, sent by aliens. Ok, I mean ‘alien’ as defined by UK Borders, rather than by Isaac Asimov or anyone in the eponymous movie. So this – Read More-
Lockdown is eased today! Which I initially thought: what the fuck??? Like, why announce last wednesday that easing will take place in 5 days time? Why not ‘now’? Why not ‘from tomorrow’? Ahhhh, its to stop people gathering on the beach at Bournemouth over the weekend, ahhhhhh. And how did that work, exactly? Oh, there – Read More-
For all those who have temporarily ‘paused’ their sky sports subscriptions (and if you haven’t, just email them and they’ll give you a credit from the last match played), it is fast approaching the time to… un-pause!!! Because on June 17th (the day after my birthday, if you’re interested, and car showrooms are open from – Read More-
I’ll come clean. Childcare is an issue. For Dominic Cummings. For Lila’s mum. For me. Possibly all for different reasons. But similar outcome. Which is: social distancing is all well and good as a general, over-riding concept or principle, with good intentions and part of a deeply flawed and pretty ill-conceived plan (other countries have – Read More-
Ahhhh, Dominic Cummings; the gift that keeps giving. Now elevated to national hate-figure and pariah, the devil incarnate (he always had it in him), and the embodiment of the expression: when you’re in a hole, STOP DIGGING. Or he should be. He’s bright enough to know that pathetic excuses will be viewed as such by – Read More-
Today the esteemed Master Joseph Conway Bell reaches the immense milestone of his first birthday. Yesterday he was ‘zero’, today he is 1. The difference is marked. Yet really, every day is a milestone at that kind of age. He dribbles a bit less. Ok, not much but a bit. He crawls faster, stands more, – Read More-
It’s over. Man wins. Shed succumbs to the inevitable force and… becomes a shed. Maybe its Man 1, 1 shed. All but the door. Which apparently, in normal sheds is actually attached. But this is no normal shed. This is a SUPERSHED and thus the door just sits there. Awaiting someone stronger than Mel who – Read More-
As a nutritional expert I have reached a conclusion about a certain class of foods. In my ongoing (lifelong) study of all ‘things wot get eaten’, which has obviously reached new, improved levels since lockdown as we seem to be eating 8 meals a day. The days of a tuna sandwich or a chicken baguette – Read More-
It’s been a busy few months for Boris Johnson. And his Johnson. They became prime minister, ‘got Brexit done’ (remember Brexit; ahhhh the nostalgia…), caught Covid 19, nearly died, came back to life, like Jesus, and became a father for the 17th time (estimates may vary). Some minor relief arrived for our overwhelmed PM yesterday – Read More-
I’ll start with a question: eh-hem: does anyone out there make a power drill with a petrol motor? If not, why not? Not that my old rechargeable electric is insufficient in any way, just that… just that… just that I like petrol engines. The smell, the noise, the mess, oil down my arms, petrol over – Read More-