“Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you”. That phrase was invented by Black Sabbath in nineteen-seventy-whenever after the release of their only ever single: Paranoid. It’s a brilliant song. All their songs were brilliant. Really ‘dark’, fucking LOUD and totally brilliant. They had to be played loud. If you turned – Read More-
Who’s your hero? Batman? Einstein? Weinstein? Churchill? Primrose Hill? Gary Linneker? Gary Neville? Gary Glitter? Emiline Pankhurst? Bob Dylan? Bob Hope? Nelson Mandela? Lord Nelson? Donald Trump? Donald Duck? So many worthies to elevate to the very top of one’s personal list. Mine is Pele. No competition, no-one even close. I was 10 in 1966, – Read More-
Well, the excitement in our house last night was positively palpable. Pulsating. Possibly psychologically psychedelic (I know, but I ran out of ‘p’-words which sound like ‘p’-words). It was pspectacular. Even Mel, not the world’s keenest football fan, was so moved by the occasion that she actually looked up from our latest jigsaw puzzle for – Read More-
Everyone has their ‘ambulance’ story. My aunt had a heart attack and waited 73 hours for an ambulance. The undertaker only took 42 minutes. My grandma fell over and broke her hip. She died of starvation waiting for paramedics. Even us, when Joey banged a big hole in his head, his dad said to call – Read More-
So here we are, on our favourite subjects of the Royal family and prejudice. Brilliant. Love both of them. And then they combine, so sweetly, coincide, so perfectly… in Meghan. Very few people ever admit to being racist. And the ones who do generally belong to Combat 88, the Not-very-nice-Nazi-ish Party, UKIP or other right-wing – Read More-
“So where are you from, exactly?”, asked Lady Susan Hussey, 82 year old former something-or-other to the Queen, to Ngozi Fulani. “Hackney”, came the honest reply from the dreadlocked black lady. “No, but what’s your nationality??”, pressed her Ladyship. “British. I was born in Hackney”. “Yes, but before that? Your people? Are you African?” And – Read More-
England beat Wales last night. In case you missed that. Or in case you live in China. In which case you’d have heard the result which most aligns with Communist Party narrative of the moment. And if President Xi is feeling more pleasantly disposed to the Welsh, because of England’s ‘hard line’ and Rishi’s ‘robust – Read More-
Tonight’s match between England and Wales is simply massive. The consequences and repercussions will be simply immeasurable. Possibly because a lot of people simply ‘don’t care’ and its very hard to measure that in a quantitatively significant manner. But lots of us DO care. Greatly, deeply, passionately and… errrrr… big. …ly. What will Prince William – Read More-
I went to a wedding yesterday. Awww, that’s nice. Always nice. But there’s weddings, and then there’s WEDDDINGGGGSSS!!!! This was the latter. Definitely the latter. It was so big you could sell your invitation on Stub-Hub. It was so grand I wore something around my neck. Not a noose, but a bow tie!! And it – Read More-
I’ve been trying to save the planet for year now. Like, really saving it. If I see a cow farting I go and tell it how bad that is for the environment. I turn off lights. Then turn them back on because I can’t read the paper in the dark. I plant flowers. Because trees – Read More-