“It hurts, mummy, it hurts”; runs the plaintive cry “Make it go away, mummy, send it way up high.” “Get fucking real”, answers mummy, “and get a fucking grip” It’s only a game of football, you snivelling little shit. But its not an “only” anything, it happens again and again, It is life itself!, distilled – Read More-
Mel has a lot of baths. So I get to watch what I want. For 30, 40, even 50 minutes an evening, depending on what book she’s reading, where she is in that book and how hot the water was when she went in. It’s a formula. Time= (temp-3/4 x 60)/Stephen King x page number/379-x. – Read More-
So now the question has shifted, the blame put elsewhere, triggered by Laura Kuensberg asking Rishi Sunak if he saw a private doctor. He dithered. She asked again. He obfuscated. She repeated. He talked about Ukraine. She said the question in a slightly different way, he answered with all the directness of a taxi-driver trying – Read More-
If I’d have know that global warming was this bad, I’d have turned off my central heating boiler years ago. Got me a new wife, cos Mel would have left due to the cold, or thrown me out, due to the cold. I’d have driven petrol cars less, burned less coal, taken less flights, breathed – Read More-
Its just about da maffs. Simple. Goes like this. Your family fucking hates you, despises your wife, has no interest in your children, was glad to see the back of you and has washed its hands of any future involvement. So the question. Do you take 170 million quid or not? Whether you do or – Read More-
I actually don’t remember precisely where I was when President Kennedy was assassinated. 1963… probably in school, at age 7 I was too young to be in the snooker hall or smoking behind the bike sheds, so I’m guessin’, school. But I do remember precisely where I was when Gareth Bale scored a hat-trick against – Read More-
We need to sort out the ‘national ‘elf’. It’s in a ‘crisis’. People are dying. Unfortunately, not enough people to make the system function in any way which may be perceived as ‘efficient’, normal, cost-effective or probably even ‘viable’. We’d need to kill off approximately 20 million of the population to even make a start – Read More-
So yesterday morning found me and younger daughter in Primrose Hill. The smuggest of all of smug North London. The ponciest of the poncy, the twee-est of the twee, where you won’t find a high street name among the shops, you won’t find an oik (apart from a few Gallaghers, and they’re rich oiks) and – Read More-
I used to fight with my brother about three times a day. He pushed me to the ground. We didn’t have a dog so I couldn’t break his water bowl with my back. And I was never girly enough to wear a necklace so he couldn’t break it. But he would have. Instead he shut – Read More-
I like to tell you EVERYTHING. I have no secrets, no shame, no common sense. Almost no filters. I NEED you to know about every illness, every surgical procedure, every thought, idea, love, hate, desire, what I eat, drink, the drugs I take to keep me alive, the ones I take to make it worth – Read More-