I just can’t understand how, for the 57th consecutive year, I’ve missed out in the New Year’s honours list. It just makes no sense whatsoever. I mean, just look at me, ffs, I’m worth a CBE just for being gorgeous. But when you take into consideration all my wonderful benevolence and my vital assistance to – Read More-
Before I get started on the football, in which I intend to focus on every single second of Spurs remarkable and outstanding victory at Crystal Palace, I just want to offer my words of support and…. in fact, adoration, for Alaa Abdel Fattah, and welcome him back to HIS home nation. Where he belongs. Among – Read More-
So what’s Tenerife like? Well… it was formed in 2600 BC when a volcano erupted under the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Morocco. The volcano’s name was ‘Nigel’ and it was quite big. Because the eruption also caused a few other Canary Islands to form, possibly a bit of the west coast of Morocco – Read More-
Why do we take holidays? Well, it’s a complex question. We take holidays to rest. To relax. To adhere to the ‘change is good as a rest’ maxim, maybe to get some sunshine at a time when we don’t got none at home, and maybe because we’re just fucking exhausted, overworked, and knackered out. So – Read More-
Like the King, I’m sending a Christmas message this year to all my loyal subjects. Otherwise known as ‘the plebs’. Because those of us in high office should always realise and appreciate that there are commoners, ‘working people’ and other versions of ‘scum’, all over the country, at this very moment fighting each other over – Read More-
There’s 3 things I would never do. Vote for Nigel Farage. Ok, or Kier Starmer. Sing any song with ‘Ar-sen-allll’ in the lyrics. Go on hunger strike. Unless they held it in Dishoom and let me cheat. Some of the Hunger Strikers are up to their 50th days. Its getting horrible. They’re in wheelchairs. Their – Read More-
Ever been to Shinjuku station in Tokyo? Its a city. Allegedly ‘the busiest railway station in the world’, it is without question the most confusing. Its on 3 floors, all with shops and restaurants, covers about 197 square miles and you can’t get out. Its impossible to find ‘the street’. Let alone the actual street – Read More-
I’m going to fight Anthony Joshua. How hard can it be? He’s only ‘human’. Ok, he’s 6 foot 5inches of 110kgs of solid rock, but he’s human. Therefore I can beat him at boxing. Usyk beat him and he’s just a Ukranian thug. So I reckon I could do that too. And here’s why I’m – Read More-
Look, it’s not just Jesus who celebrates his birthday in December, 2 days ago I had my 69-and-a-half-th birthday. Thanks for your fucking cards!!! And good tidings!! Anyway, as old age rushes upon me so quickly that even I realise I might have to stop acting like an adolescent any time soon, one must concern – Read More-
Anthony Albanese, the Australian tosser and Prime Minister, spoke movingly on Sunday about the Bondi Beach murders. How ‘this is not just an attack on the Jewish community, but on Australian values and way of life’, kind’a thing. He didn’t really have a lot of choice, did he? 15 people get murdered out on a – Read More-