Andy's Glasses

I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand Americans. I’ve visited them, numerous times, watched all their tv shows, even lived there for a year, amoungst them, like Tarzan when he was raised by the wolves. I learned their strange and mystical ways (eating fat, mainly), loved their women (errrr…), accepted their culture (went to loads of night clubs) and worked there as one of their own. I even understand American Football. But the whole gun thing is just fucking weird.  – Read More –

So I’m talking to my (useless) mate Dom the other day and we get onto ‘best music EEEVVVVEEERRRRR’. Top ten stuff. Of ALL TIME. Wow.

Dom’s mired in the pre-90s because he’s so old and stuck in his ‘good old days’ on Hampstead Heath. I’m much more open and embracing and thus have 1 track from the 90s and 1 even from a few years ago. Just one.  – Read More –

What work do you do, mummy? Oh, I stand around in my underwear. Is that ‘work’? Like being a fireman or a consultant anaesthesiologist or an aid worker in the Philippines?? Not quite like that, darling, not exactly. I earn more money than they do. Much, much more. Oh. Can I get lots of money – Read More-

What does ‘the future’ hold for you? What does ‘the future’ even mean? Tomorrow? Next week?? Next year??? Or 2275? The problem is that the future is very big. I’m not talking about my personal future, that’s linked to my pension and my children’s willingness to change my nappies when the time comes. AS I – Read More-

Our mates Aussie Johnno and Billie-Sheila came over for lunch yesterday. We had to let them in because they’d come all the way from Australia. Even though Spurs were playing in a stupidly early, 12 o’clock, match. Why would you have a match so early on a sunday? Those poor Newcastle fans must have been – Read More-

Why do we do things that will bring us pain? Why are we (well, I bloody am) inherently masochistic in that we invite suffering constantly? I’m not referring to being a Spurs fan in this particular instance, though I feel that is yet another manifestation of the same principle. Every Sunday morning I read the – Read More-

Let me tell you about my pet hate. Well, one of them. I have so many I don’t think my hard drive is sufficient to even list them all in abbreviated form. But number one, numero uno, the Big One, the real thing is people walking along staring at their (ffaaaaarrrkkkin) phones. THERE’S A WORLD – Read More-

Elvis Costello was never really a ‘proper’ punk rocker. He emerged at that time, in the late 70s, when Johnny Rotten and Sid Vicious were spitting all over the place and piercing their ears on stage with broken bottles and being as outrageous as Malcolm McLaren (who, after all, was paying for all the drugs) – Read More-

Its the end of an era. Life will never be the same again. A modern day tragedy. McDonalds in Hampstead is closing. Well who gives a shit? That’s what they serve; shit. Killer shit. Anyone who saw ‘Supersize Me’ knows that McDonalds peddle death to the masses. A quarter pounder with cheese weighs… er… well, – Read More-

I’m a very ethical shopper. I only buy clothes made by unemployed, replenishable, single-parent transexuals paid a decent wage by a UK-based, tax-declaring company in a wonderful, bright, cheery environment with massages provided every hour to relieve any strain the workers may incur. My socks alone cost £97.50 a pair. I’m saving up for a shirt. – Read More-