It’s my daddy’s birthday today. He’s 97. I mean… ninety-seven! His mate Lou phoned him last week. Lou is 106. And can still hold a phone. There’s a woman in my dad’s care home who is 105. These people send telegrams to the Queen wishing HER a happy birthday. The secret of my father’s longevity? – Read More-
I had another scan on Saturday. My 17th this year. All things considered. I’ve had MRIs, I’ve had various CTs and now it was an ultrasound scan. On my Aorta. To check for aneurisms. Because when you reach 65 they send you an invitation. No reception with canapés or Bucks Fizz, just pitch up, pull – Read More-
As this wonderful little ‘story’ shows us, we have become a people, all of us, the entire population of the world, who, when given any small, pointed object, without questioning, just ram it into our nostrils til it hurts. We’ve become preconditioned to nasal swabbing at every opportunity. But now we learn that some rather… – Read More-
The first time I set foot in an Indian restaurant my life changed. Forever!!!! It was 1973, the Star of India, in Gants Hill. And it was mind-blowing. Ok, and stomach blowing too, but isn’t that now a considerable benefit? When I returned from California and got myself a flat, it was a 3-minute – Read More-
Another person has been ‘cancelled’, this time an art historian who upset the Cambridge University Union. That hotbed of wokiness, right-on-ism, complete humour withdrawal and (if they weren’t so fucking clever to have arrived there in the first place), rank stupidity. Andrew Graham Dixon chose to illustrate his side of the debate ‘this house believes – Read More-
“Why can’t you take your car into the garage, have the petrol engine ripped out and stick an electric motor in there instead?” Makes sense. Logical. Instant fix to the emissions problem. How hard can it be? I’d do it myself. Here’s what you do: Open the bonnet. Always a good start. Remove the engine – Read More-
If someone offers to give you money, no strings, nothing illegal, and, say, you’re an overstretched educational body or an impoverished college desperate for funds, do you just accept it with outstretched arms with a big ‘thank you very much’ and an even bigger smile? Or do you check the provenance of the cash first – Read More-
I’d like ta’t meerk a brief stertment on be’alf’a Yorksher Cricket Cloob, due ta’t bad stoof being spoke abert on’t news and the like. As the new cherman, cos old’t one ‘ad ter resign yesterday along wi’t most’a’t board members, and speaking as a lifelong member’a’t cloob, being a rich, old white man, born n’t – Read More-
So this is the best analogy I could come up with: A footballer does an horrendous tackle, two-footed, studs-up, both feet off the ground, the full Roy Keane, and takes a player out. He is shown the red card immediately by the referee, but his manager runs onto the pitch and demands that his player – Read More-
Manchester City? Phah! Liverpool?? Just fuck off!!! Arsenal??? You’re joking, right?? Chelsea? I don’t think so. The stock in those four clubs took a massive nose-dive yesterday as ‘serial winner’ and ‘best manager in all the world’, Antonio Conte, took the reins at (previously) hopeless Spurs. Because under Antonio’s stern, disciplined approach which is rich – Read More-