For anyone born post-1945, today represents the greatest disaster that has ever darkened our entire, sad-and-sorry lives. Today is doomsday. Armageddon. The beginning of the end. Judgment Day. However, you can only get too upset by it. Because its so utterly typical. Putin? No, nothing to do with him, but Spurs. Losing last night at – Read More-
Today (and I’m sure I’m right this time, uncharacteristically) is 22/2/22. Or better still: 22.02.2022. Which not only reads the same backwards (palindromic) but also… (drum roll)… upside down!!! (Ambigramic?) Holy moly! When does that ever happen. You can turn this entire day on its head and it would look the same. Nothing would fall – Read More-
We went to Beijing, we (that’s the ‘team UK’ we), put up with their zero-covid bollocks, we turned blind eyes to their human rights abuses, we forgot about their international hacking, Alexa-Huawei nonsense and we CONQUERED! Yep, it took just two rather intense weeks to show the world that here in the UK we bow – Read More-
This morning I have no interest in Russia. Not a thought for Ukraine, no interest in covid, never the merest consideration of Boris Johnson, Prince Andrew or the price of gas. Because, after losing our last 3 Premier League matches, causing sorrow, resignation, depression, despondency and the questioning whether life has any meaning whatsoever, we – Read More-
Next Saturday at 07.00 hours, I shall be reporting to my hospital for my shoulder surgery. I don’t want sympathy, pity, sorrow or people going ‘ahhhhh, poor thing’. I just want money. In large notes, non-sequential serial numbers, in piles, heaps and bundles. You can keep your fucking grapes. That’s if they allow visitors. I’m – Read More-
Well now I know for certain that Prince Andrew is innocent of all charges. Because rather than drag that poor woman (though not ‘poor’ for much longer) through a messy autopsy of her early life, subjecting her to a legal character assassination, instead he’s decided to ‘make it all go away’. But for her benefit. – Read More-
The Olympic Federation of Universal Consolidated Kommunities (O’FUCK) has a zero tolerance policy on performance enhancing and recreational drug use by athletes. To which end we have random drug testing. And any athlete shown to test positive for banned substances will be suspended from all competition with immediate effect. Should more than 2 members of – Read More-
The Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, Dame Cressida Dick, has resigned from her post. One minute ‘she was staying’ and 10 minutes later she was gone. Because of our Mayor of all London, Sadiq Kahn. Who basically said that she was unfit to lead. Which, coming from the world’s worst ever possible Mayor, is pretty – Read More-
When Christian Eriksen steps out onto the pitch to play for Brentford against Crystal Palace this afternoon, he will get a standing ovation. Every ground he visits over the next few months he will be received as the returning hero and given respect, honour and, most uncommonly from opposing fans, love. And all because he’s – Read More-
Good Morning people of Great Britain. I am your Prime Minister, Boris Johnson. Middle name ‘Disaster’. And I speak to you today with good news. In fact, great news. News so profound, fabulous and wonderful that you’ll love me forever (I can live without that, if I’m honest, which I try never to be) and – Read More-