Football’s back. My life once again has meaning and purpose. Direction. Motivation. Excitement. Black Lives Matter. Fans made of cardboard. Brilliant. And watching Spurs last night play Manchester United, I realised what this cruel and heartless lockdown had been depriving me of for the last 3 months. What I’ve really been missing. Frustration. Anger. More – Read More-
I’m 64. How did that happen? The Beatles released their song by that title in 1967. I was 11. Ringo was probably 20 years old. So ‘64’ to both of us was some science-fiction imaginary land inhabited by our grandparents, by the infirm, the wheelchair-bound, the disabled, silver-haired, crotchety, bent, stooped, senile and toothless. Which, – Read More-
In response to the recent revelations about racial inequalities, a new commission is being set up to investigate all aspects of such injustice, from socio-economic to educational, from comments (other than those made by the Prime Minister) to opportunities. The commission will be headed by Sir Archibald Loughington-Quexwood. Who is ideally qualified as he received – Read More-
I love the fact that Britain is, probably, the most ‘free’ society, the most democratic, the most protest marchy nation in the world. Yeah the Americans have freedom of speech enshrined in their constitution, but they also have a lot of guns around, which can tighten jaws up a bit. The Scandis are all lovely – Read More-
Despite my natural and deep-felt opposition to covering this beautiful face ever, with anything, thus depriving the rest of the world from enjoying it fully, new information has come to light about the current maskage situation which I think is worth sharing. Because previously, our government, when asked whether we should all be wearing masks, – Read More-
Living off immoral earnings is always an interesting subject. Our government has refused numerous offers from high earning call girls and prostitutes wishing and willing to pay their taxes, on the grounds that the government would be living off immoral earnings, which is a crime. Prostitution is not illegal here but apparently its sufficiently immoral – Read More-
Sociability is the new anti-sociability. I made that up. During the coronavirus epidemic, pandemic, crisis and… bad thing. And it was bad because we all had to lock down, isolate and cross the street to avoid people who might have been smelly, but you just can’t tell from 2 metres away. Or who might have – Read More-
Ok, so lockdown is not quite so much fun in the dull, cold and drizzle as it is in the brilliant sunshine, so we can go back to work now. With our masks. Which, I’ve now decided, are positively discriminatory!!! Yes, I’m taking masks to a tribunal. Because they discriminate against smokers. Not that I – Read More-
This is my new look. It’s a bit like my old look but with a fucking great ‘thing’ stuck across my face. Hiding some of the beauty. All of the beard. Steaming up my glasses. Making me hot and sweaty, in a re-breathy kind of way. And from a back-to-work perspective, it also removes 90% – Read More-
Let’s invent a scenario. An unlikely scenario. In fact the most unlikely scenario anyone’s imagined since the great plague of 1665. Let’s say that a virus ‘escaped’ onto the planet, sent by aliens. Ok, I mean ‘alien’ as defined by UK Borders, rather than by Isaac Asimov or anyone in the eponymous movie. So this – Read More-