Even been to Cheddar Gorge? Its in Somerset and its really beautiful. Like a mini version of the Grand Canyon. The Petit Canyon, peutetre. Its big, jagged, rugged and naturally magnificent. A bit like me. But fatter. Its half owned by the Marquis of Bath (hippy nutcase who has up to 75 ‘wifelets’ at any – Read More-
Gareth Bale is up for the world player of the year. If he beats off some weak opposition from the likes of Lionel (who???) Messi, he will be proclaimed God. Master of the world. The most gifted Welshman since Harry Secombe, Gareth Edwards, Neil Kinnock. The best player since Pele, the most talented individual since – Read More-
I still can’t believe that anyone can understand Hungarian. Even Hungarians. Its a big joke. Speak total gobbledigook and pretend they can talk like normal people to each other whilst really sniggering cos its all rubbish. No-one could make sense out’a that. I don’t normally have this issue. Languages have a rhythmn, a tempo, so – Read More-
What do we really know about Hungary and Hungarians?? The early Magyars were obviously savages and barbarians who raped, slaughtered, pillaged and were big on incest because that was pretty much the early (pre 1973) way all round this part of the world. Soon as they decided to have a Europe, in 637 ad, then – Read More-
When I was 14 I went to a summer camp. It was like a prison camp but with songs. And gels. Which is why my old mate Jem made me go. “My brother went last year and they let you loose on all these girls who can’t escape because you’re locked in!!”. Brilliant. So I – Read More-
Yaya Toure is the beautifully named Manchester City footballer famous for having the body of a linebacker combined with the feet of a ballerina. And that he earns £240,000 a week and sometimes goes whole games looking like he is actually somewhere else; maybe on the gridiron, maybe dancing Swan Lake in a tutu with – Read More-
We all have our favourites. My favourite film is Blue is the Warmest Colour. My favourite song is ‘Spurs are on their way to Wembley’. My favourite animal is the chicken. Because you can cook it so many ways. My favourite feminist is Nicole Scherzinger. Oh, she’s not a feminist? Whatever. My favourite post war – Read More-
Ok, so here’s what you do to get a new tv programme on the air: You find a ‘thing’ that people can do; any ‘thing’ will do, literally so. You make them do that ‘thing’ competitively. You have ‘judges’ to decide how well that ‘thing’ is performed. And to get nasty and mean and insulting. – Read More-
Fantastic headline in the paper: Sleepless nights linked to onset of Alzheimers. How brilliant is that? I’m so worried now I haven’t slept a wink since. Though as I only read it half an hour ago I suppose its not a major problem. Not yet. Its only when you forget you read it and can’t – Read More-
We won, we won, we bloody won. There’s dancing in the streets all over the world today. I love Villa Park (read: total shit-hole) and wish we could play there every week. I wasn’t there yesterday, though I’ve been there before and they stick away fans in a little cauldron under the ground and beat – Read More-