I make that three assassination attempts so far. That we know of!!! And all three have failed. The first one either by fortuitous turn of the head or by sniper ineptitude, the second because walking round a golf course which has 635 security guards whilst carrying an assault rifle over your shoulder may possibly attract – Read More-
When you fight an election you only have two choices: continuity or change. Which is why the Starmers used the ‘c’-word… ok, they’re both ‘c’-words, used the word ‘change’, during the whole election campaign, 7,324,092 times. I’ve counted. The Tories promised continuity because the economy was ‘on the right track’ and Boris was nowhere in – Read More-
The votes are still being counted. In Alaska and Hawaii they’re still voting. But I am declaring my undisputed victory in the Presidential election. In fact I declared it last Wednesday. I have a lot of respect for Kamala Harris. She was the worst vice-president in the history of America. She stood at the border – Read More-
Rachel Reeves did her best on Wednesday to tax the living shit out of every living Englishman. (The Scots, Welsh and Irish are mainly unemployed or on benefits so don’t count for tax purposes). So why is it that when I try to buy a Mercedes AMG One, they’re all sold out? I thought I’d – Read More-
I saw the league table this morning. And thought they were showing one from 1972. Liverpool top, Nottingham Forest 3rd, Aston Villa 5th, I mean, WTF??? These are teams mired in 1970s, sepia-coloured, historical-interest-only glory. Alright, Liverpool have had their moments, in between various Hillsboro’ inquiries, of winning a few things, and of course Manchester – Read More-
So it’s the week of winners and losers. We had the budget, we’ve had the Conservative Party leadership contest and then, just to make up the 3, we’ll include the rather trivial American election on Tuesday. Possibly to be repeated on Friday, depending on allegations of cheating. By both sides. In the same states. And – Read More-
What’s more scary than horror!!! Than ghouls and ghosties and zombies and skeletons (even if painted on)??? When I suggested to Lila and Joey that they both dress up as Rachel Reeves, red case in hand, they agreed that the point would be well made in light of budgetary revelations. Ok, they said “who???” I – Read More-
Ok, the budget is today. It’s time to take pre-emptive action to protect your finances. Yesterday I took the massive step of moving all my assets offshore. I opened an account on Canvey Island and transferred all my worldly goods there, to protect them from that grabby woman who is out to persecute me. Then – Read More-
That quaint little expression, ‘football crazy’ used to mean obsessed with the game. Lovin’ every minute. Can’t get enough. Fab. Then they invented Spurs. And it became a bit more literal. Crazy as in less ‘wild!’ and more ‘insane’. Driven to distraction. Chewing the furniture. Banging heads against walls and screaming. Not in pain. The – Read More-
I’ve always been fascinated by gender differences. Which I’m not even sure is an allowable phrase to employ now. Between equality laws, diversity rules and anti-discrimination policies, merely observing any action within a gender context is totally unacceptable. Then you need to add in the 47 new ‘genders’ currently on offer and suddenly, former universals – Read More-