The world moves along at a pace. In 1974 I met my first photocopier. We called them ‘Gestetner’ after the cousin of the man who invented it. Probably because the actual inventor was either in prison for war crimes or hiding out in Argentina. And, obviously, the first thing I did was slap my penis – Read More-
I’ve solved the economic crisis. It’s so easy. You just have to think ‘outside the box’. And as most politicians have trouble even working out where the box might be, I’ll help them out. Rishi needs help. I really don’t want Starmer to be PM, he’s an Arsenal fan and not a very likeable one. – Read More-
Went to see my brother yesterday. And realised that I’m now fully conversant with the protocols for and at the Royal Free Hospital. Like; don’t even try to park within 500 yards of the place, it’s impossible. Like, if you take the lift to the 4th floor you end up in ICU reception and need – Read More-
Lila is 7 today. She’s (absolutely nobody’s) April fool. She’s so bright she’s found a way to monetise losing teeth. Her first of which fell out yesterday. She was duly compensated by the ‘tooth fairy’. And has been sitting in front of the mirror with a pair of pliers since then adding up her potential – Read More-
I went to visit the boatman yesterday. He’s moored up in Runnymede, (out near Windsor, where they signed the Magna Carta, you remember, surely?). I didn’t want to visit, no-one does, but I needed some ‘work done’. And in a former life, Mr Boat-person (not presuming nuffink), before he became aquatic, ran garages. For cars. – Read More-
This weekend is the annual ‘Boat Race’. There’s only one. Which counts, the rest no-one gives a shit about. And that’s precisely the problem. Shit. In the water. More specifically, in our rivers, streams and seas. Loads of it. To the point where there is a warning on the River Thames, the nation’s only ‘proper’ – Read More-
So we’re all preparing for World War 3: the Final Apocalypse!, which will in fact be filmed live on YouTube, according to the law, and starring… well, all of us, really. I was going to play Schwarzenegger, but due to my recent shrinkage, I’ll now play Tom Cruise instead. The ante was upped on the – Read More-
Today is the Jewish festival of Purim. That’s nice. What’s Purim? Ahhh, it’s a celebration. Of… well, pretty much a celebration of the Jewish condition. Purim basically means ‘Tsurus’ or ‘Aggro’, as most Jewish festivals do. You see, its all about King Ahasuerus and Queen Esther… This was in ancient Persia in about 400BC!! Yes, – Read More-
Great news! They’ve just brought out a(nother) new Ghostbusters sequel!!! That is precisely what the world needs, right now. Definitely. In its seemingly ongoing quest towards self-destruction and insanity, not helped by Putin ‘winning’ his election and Arsenal sitting top of the league, this could be the solution for all the world’s troubles!!! Ghostbusters is – Read More-
It’s a spring day. Round here. Do I care that it’s snowing in Eastern Scotland? Pissing down in Plymouth? Windy in Wokingham? I wish I could say I do, but alas, I never said I was a nice person, just a guy who likes good weather. And, yes, I am English, so I’m allowed to – Read More-