I’ve never mainlined heroin. It never really appealed to me. It always struck me as a way more ‘Trainspotting’ type drug than anything cool or glamorous. If cocaine was Studio 54 in its heyday, heroin was dirty syringes in the back alleys behind the club where the garbage and the homeless Scottish people were kept. – Read More-
It’s totally been the most, like, 100% bestest ever, like maddest, really insane week for Britain. Ever. Because we’ve been in the Olympics and we’ve won gold medals in sports that until last Tuesday I never knew existed. Yet in just one week, we’ve excelled in the rowing, we’ve bounced on trampolines, shot things with – Read More-
So the thing about school holidays is that they cause a lot of work, even for grandparents. On a normal Thursday, between school drop off and the afternoon pickup lie hours and hours of peaceful inactivity. Whereas holiday days are full-on. Though realistically, is my life more peaceful with Mel or with Lila and Joey? – Read More-
This is now getting personal. Me and the Chancellor of the Exchequer. First we had ‘black-hole-gate’, into which Rachel Reeves blindly stumbled, and now it’s going to get much colder. Because La Chancellor has decided that the quickest way to pay off the 22 billion pound deficit in her mathematical ability is to get pensioners – Read More-
Oh. My. Goooooooooood!!! I’ve just looked at the nation’s finances and I’ve found… a massive black hole!!! Billions missing!!! Didn’t see that before because the outgoing government must have hidden it. Or covered it with… things. Or… Well, its an interesting question how you ‘hide’ figures in accounts which are 100% fully on public view – Read More-
Its starting. The Olympics. Today. Paris. Though the opening ‘ceremony’ was yesterday. Pretty much all of yesterday. Went on for hours and hours. And being ever competitive the French showed us that they’re even better at rain than us. God probably hates the French too, so it absolutely pissed down upon the entire 9 and – Read More-
This is a copy of the email I sent this morning to the Foreign Secretary of all of England, South London, North Manchester and Golders Green, Mr David Lammy MP. I’m so angry with him that I didn’t even put xxxx-es at the end of it. Happy Tuesday A xxx Dear David, if you’ll excuse – Read More-
It had to happen. For the first time in the 5,000 year history of the Jewish faith, one of our own will be living at the White House. Ok, for 4,800 years of that, there was no White House, and if there was it was referring to a little hut in the Judean hills that – Read More-
Last weekend I was deploying my new ‘super-strimmer!!!’, the one with the circular saw attachment, to cut down an old bush. My mate popped round. Quite a big deal because he lives in France, so we had to make a big fuss. (We put the kettle on). And then he told me that I was – Read More-
We survived the pandemic. Well, anyone reading this did. Lots can’t read it, cos they died. Such is life. (Oh, the irony). But basically we survived. Collectively. What happened yesterday didn’t directly kill anyone but probably had a greater effect on our lives. Not just because of the devastation to travel, hospitals, trains and doctors – Read More-