Andy's Glasses

Should Rachel Reeves have gone to China whilst over here the economy was doing bad things? If she’d have been here, could she have done something herself to prevent the pound slipping? To protect the rising rates of our national debt interest? Maybe stuck her finger in the hole where pound notes were slipping through in their billions to the nations who hold our debt. Which, coincidentally, is China.

I’m only writing about Rachel Reeves today because by tomorrow she could well be history. Consigned to the pages of ‘ex-chancellors’, of which there are many. I’m not supporting her. Nor praising her. My personal knife has been poised over her back since the budget day. Metaphorically speaking, before the police come round and arrest me for ‘posting nasty things’.

Rachel is useless. Catastrophic. Abysmal. Clueless. Which is why, even if the economy lapsed further into crisis, why would we want her any more involved than she has to be, whether in Westminster or Beijing? Its not like she can do anything. The damage was done when she chose ‘not to raise taxes’. Instead, she rose taxes. Ah, but different ones. And now businesses are preparing to suffer come April. And with that, our promised ‘growth’ gets ever smaller in the rear view mirror.

The government didn’t account for the rising cost of borrowing. And pledged not to borrow more to pay for previous borrowing. And Rachel has but one major policy: to stick to her plan. Even when its proven to be non-functional. So she’s still pledging billions to promote greener stuff even as the economy is falling and our international credibility with it.

However she did come back from China with a ‘deal’ worth £600 million!!!! Well, spread over 5 years, and 120 mil a year is not a vast fortune in real terms, in fact its negligible. Furthermore, ‘deals’ with China always come with conditions. Like: ‘we’ll allow you to import Stilton cheese and Brompton bikes, as long as we get to re-wire your entire nation with devices which report back to President Xi’.

So as the pound drops against the Euro and the dollar, borrowing increases and bond values tank, its nice to know that the PM ‘has full confidence in the chancellor’. Well, I’m glad someone does. She makes Kwasi Kwarteng look prudent.

Happy Monday

A xxxx

As as kid, I learned my geography from football teams. Which can be problematical, if you’re trying to find ‘Everton’ on a map. But I learned Manchester (up norf), Liverpool (up norf), Arsenal (Woolwich), Southampton (up south) and Birmingham (Birmingham). I learned about Real Madrid and Bayern Munich and Inter Milan. From the international matches I learned where France was (too close) and Brazil (too far). But I never learned of Tamworth. Until a few hours ago I’d never had any reason to familiarise myself with the location of either the town or the eponymous football club. But now it’s on the map. Well, it always has been: now it’s on MY map. 14 miles east of Birmingham. In what I call ‘the shit belt’. Which extends from Stanmore to Scotland, Norwich to Anglesey. I’m not a judgmental person.

But now Tamworth is on my radar. Not that I’m ever likely to go there. Unless they move it to Islington. Spurs went there today to play them in the 3rd round of the FA Cup. The cup of ‘dreams’ (and nightmares; depending on which side of the score line you sit), the cup of ‘magic’ and the cup of ‘giant killers!!!!’ Because, in the 3rd round in particular, when the ‘big boys’ start to play, it’s one of the few times when top teams play lower league rubbish teams. And I use the word ‘rubbish’ with all due respect. It’s how Liverpool played Accrington Stanley yesterday, and Manchester City played Salford. Both of which ended with convincing wins for the big teams. But it doesn’t always go that way. Brentford lost to Plymouth. Not so much a ‘giant killing’ as ‘the death of a fairly tall person’, as the teams are just about 30 places apart.

And thus dids’t the mighty Tottenham Hotspurs arrive in the Midlands on a cold and frosty day to take on the not quite so mighty Tamworth. Who sit a mere 96 league places behind Spurs. A gulf in class so vast it should be a race between a horse and a Bugatti. Should be.

And that’s where the ‘magic’ of the cup comes in. Tamworth, as do all clubs in such a position, have absolutely nothing to lose. Their bunch of players are teachers, bricklayers, drug dealers, who get paid 20 quid (or thereabouts) for playing their football on Saturdays, just don’t care if they lose. It’s what’s expected. So they ‘went for it’. And, to be honest, they did so brilliantly. On a pitch made of plastic and covered in frost and sand.

Spurs, to their credit, did not want to play on their ‘class’, it wouldn’t have been fair. So they opted for ‘parity’ and played for 90 minutes like a bunch of semi-professional, Midlands-based, construction workers having a kickabout. And thus it went to extra time. Or ‘extra humiliation’ as it’s sometimes known. During which, the inevitable fitness difference between the teams simply had to kick in. It’s much harder to be a ‘box to box midfielder’ when you had 14 pints and a curry last night.

So we won. 3 nil in the end. A credit to Tamworth. A bit ‘squeaky bum’ for Spurs. But we’re used to that. And at least there’s no ‘replays’. Not what anyone needs. Other than Tamworth, perhaps.

I might send them a box of grass seed as a little ‘thank you’.

Happy Sunsay

A xxxx

So I want to make an investment. I want to take £200, or £3000, or £45,000 and invest it. Thank you.

What are you looking for, exactly?

Errrr… that’ll be ‘money’. As much as I can get from my initial investment. Biggest return imaginable, or preferably unimaginable, and as little tax as can possibly be got away with.

Ok, well we have ‘The Total Bastard, High Yield Fund’. And we invest in armaments, mainly sales to ISIS, Russia, Iran and drug dealers; we go very long on oil, gas, plastics and methane; we’re heavily into seal-cub skin trading, the Chinese child labour market, Muscle Car makers, Paedophile Travel organisations, Chelsea football club and any slavery we can find. The market in shrunken heads is currently tanking so we’ll wait and see how that goes before re-investing.

Oh. You’re appalled!! Well they’re all very high growth areas and we can pretty much guarantee a yield of around 18% per annum. Not quite so appalled now, but I appreciate your conscience is important in your deliberations.

So we have the ‘Not Quite such a Bastard but Not a Very Nice Person Either’ fund. We’ll invest your funds into repossession companies, particularly of housing and children; Parking Ticketing organisations; Elon Musk’s ‘X’, NHS GP surgeries, META and Arsenal football club.

What! Still not ‘nice’ enough for you??? That yields 9.4%!!!

Ahhhh, you want ‘ethical’, you want the funds where not one single daisy gets trampled on; where no polar bear is at risk and most importantly, not one penny of your money finds its way into bank bonds which, in turn, may invest in any of the above stated, or Israel, obviously, or insecticides.

Then you need our ‘Moron Fund of Cloud Cuckooland’ (warning: shares may go up as well as down, but unlikely in this vehicle). The fund invests heavily into anything Vegan, tree-hugging, plant-based sandal manufacturers, Barnet football club, birthing stools and wind farms. The yield is such that if you only lose 10% of your investment every year you’ll be doing better than the industry benchmark for ‘misguided investments’. But at least you can live with yourself. Albeit in poverty.

Most beautiful, freezing cold day today. Alas, the most imperfect conditions for tennis. In any meaningful way.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx

Ok, we’ve had to make a few changes to the geography books in time for next week.

Greenland is no longer Danish and will now be known as ‘Greenstate’ and fly the stars and bars flag. Similarly the vast nation previously known as ‘Canada’ is to be ‘Canadianna’ and will be the offical 51st state of the Union. And then Panama will become ‘Really New Mexico’. Unless it ends up in a war with the Panaminians or the Chinese, in which case it will be known as ‘Vietnam 2’.

Other nations and sovereign states also on Trump’s ‘window shopping’ list currently are: Brasil, Ethiopia, Spain, New Zealand and Wales. He doesn’t want Ireland at any cost.

But I think its perfectly reasonable to just simply ‘demand’ that any country should just give itself up if Donald J. Trump decides he wants it. For America. Make America Greater. He wants Greenland because it’s near Russia. Well, fairly near. He wants Canada because no-one currently in Canada is fit to run it, and its so close that it might change from ‘almost American’ to the ‘American’, that most of the world thinks it is anyway.

And Panama. Specifically: the Canal. This was built by the Americans, who then let the Panamanians run it ceding total control over in 1999. But Trump reckons it’s his. And is now a security risk because ‘it’s run by the Chinese’. And he, obviously, hates the Chinese. In fact one of the ports is run by a Hong Kong company who, as part of the Canal logistics, will have access to information of all the shipping passing through. And send it all back to Beijing, like Alexa does.

And, being Trump, like a spoiled child pointing out all the new toys he WANTS, he is absolutely serious about all of this. And is not prepared to ‘rule out armed force’.

More importantly, Spurs won a football match last night. They beat Liverpool. Of all teams. In my mind, that makes Spurs top of the league. Well, they beat the top team, they should go top. Right? Even though it wasn’t a league match. Not the point. That’s the way it should work in a ‘fair world’. But in other versions of this fictional ‘fair world’, Lucas Bergvall, our goal scorer, would have been sent off just prior to hitting the winning goal.

Naaah. Don’t like that fair world, we’ll have to keep this one. Because in that other one world you’ll be in a situation of wishing for VAR intervention, rather than cursing it, as you’re supposed to. Cursing its absence is a step too far. And if you’re not happy with that goal, I don’t care.

Very happy Thursday

A xxxx

Walking round London you get used to being approached by all sorts of individuals. There’s the charity dudes, clip-board in hand, ready to sign you up to pay a tenner a month to Oxfam, at least 9 quid of which will pay the charity dude and the company who hired him out, leaving just a pound a month to save all the children in Darfur. Then there’s beggars of various types and colours and of course there’s the police. Not many, granted, and they only approach me if my nob is hanging out. Fortunately, they can’t get me for ‘historical crimes’ when I’m walking down the Strand.

Yesterday I was walking past Temple Station when a young guy with a big smile approached me. My first thought was ‘rent boy’. And he was pretty. But he was very clean and smart and he just said: “excuse me, Sir, would you like to come to church this Sunday?” Because I was in a big hurry to get home so we could attend a 60th birthday dinner, I just said ‘FUCK OFF!!’ Actually I just thanked him, and politely refused, without breaking my stride.

Which is unusual. Not the approach. But me letting him go. Because I love a Christian. They are such wonderfully ‘good people’. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to say: “oyyyyy, have you got the wrong atheist!”, but who had the time.

We get Jehovah’s Witnesses knocking on the door. I always spend ten minutes trying to convert THEM away from Jesus. I apply logic. Really annoying logic because that is something you don’t find in religion. So when a JW asked me “how do you think we could achieve peace on Earth?” (They love a ‘big question’), I replied that we need to ban all forms of organised religion, as they’re the cause of about 95% of the world’s problems. He then tried to quote me from Corinthians 19, or the book of Luke, saying that “when Jesus passed to Mark at the far post, thus dids’t Habeus Corpus…”. He showed me the passage in his bible. So I showed him a line in a Stephen King book I had nearby. Well why not? Thus I then insisted that we could continue the conversation but without the bible. Because I question its factual provenance. And we battle to convert each other. Apparently Jesus died to save me. Who knew? And from what???

I love a Christian. But in a very ‘Book of Mormon’ kind’a way.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx

So its all kicking off again. Elon Musk started it, shouting across the Atlantic about our ‘grooming squads’ of sex abusers up north and how we need a proper inquiry. Cos we’re short on public inquiries and got too much money in the exchequer, right? And this has been jumped on by the ‘right wing’ over here.

There was an inquiry, which laid out various plans for the hopeful avoidance of abuse in the future. Alas, the future hasn’t arrived just yet, but will soon. Its the nature of ‘futures’. But there are still questions about how the gang in Rotherham, f’rinstance, managed to abuse 1400 girls over a 10 year period, without anyone knowing about it, suspecting it, trying to prevent it, nuffink.

It has always been suspected that the issue was ‘sensitive’, because the abusers were all men (no surprise) of ‘Pakistani heritage’, and the victims were all little white girls. And in our totally fucked-up, on-its-head and politically-correct-gone-insane world, no-one wants to be seen accusing any minority group of anything nasty ever. They’d rather throw 1400 innocent kids (well they were innocent before the gangs got hold of them) under the bus of ‘social sensitivity’ than call out what were effectively gangs of Muslim men. In case this bunch of rapists, child molesters and monsters, should get upset, or worse still, shout ‘Islamophibia!!!!!’ Thus the police acted in a way so ‘softly softly’ that even when the pattern was repeated in Oldham and other places, they never wanted to make any issue over the Pakistani element.

Elon Musk does. He hates Pakistanis. Hates all immigrants. Except South African ones. And even then only white ones. In his case, extremely, unhealthily white with unnaturally dark hair. And, of course, the right wingers over here have all jumped on this too because they are Islamophobic and proudly so. Kemi Badenoch is all over the matter, but mainly because she’s not sure what else her job entails at the moment.

The problem is not muslims, nor even muslim men. The problem is cultural rather than religious. In India they are having a ‘rape crisis’ currently. By Hindus as well as Muslims. Its about how society views women, gives them ‘rights’ or has any respect for them at all, other than as objects for possession and abuse. Pakistan is the same, Bangla Desh and definitely Afghanistan. And certain people choose to interpret their religion in a way which suits a particular narrative. To justify atrocities.

I want to know that although the ‘gangs’ were caught and imprisoned, no action was taken towards the police, the local councils, the social services, all of whom knew what was going on to a greater or lesser extent. And if it takes an inquiry to ascertain all that, then that’s what we need. Even if our current (fuckwitted) government will accuse me of ‘jumping on a right wing bandwagon’, I don’t care. They can call me Ethel if they like. Just get the job done.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx

Elon Musk wants to rule the world. In a rather ‘alt-right’ way. So aligning himself with Trump is a logical step, he’s the new Steve Bannon. Because the old one ended up in jail. And Trump has to have a ‘populist’ person on his shoulder. How long these two super-egos can remain friendly is a rather big question. So much arrogance in any one room has to cause a burst at some point.

Then Elon starts taking swipes at the government over here. And a good thing that is too. He may be ‘forrin’ but he’s allowed to say what he wants. And he controls Twitter and is obsessed with ‘free speech’, particularly his own, so who’s going to stop him? Its not ‘overseas interference’ until he parts with some cash.

So he attacked the government over the Rotherham grooming gangs, accusing Jess Phillips of ‘rape’; bit strong, but we got the point. Then he vented about Starmer’s releasing convicted paedophiles from prison to make room for ‘protesters’ who were just enjoying their ‘freedom of speech’. Even though it looked like they were militant arsonists forming vigilante hit squads against immigrants.

Musk is so clever that he fails to see the wonderful irony in his general ‘anti-immigrant’ theme, that he is not an American, but a South African immigrant to their shores.

So obviously, Nigel Farage has great appeal to Elon, they are cut from the same cloth. I’m not saying its the cloth they used for SS uniforms, just sayin’ its the same. And the anti-immigrant/purity of nation ‘thing’ runs strong in both men.

What Musk doesn’t quite get is that ‘alt-right’ must never venture into ‘far right’ territory. You can talk Brexit, but not whilst wearing a KKK suit.

And thus: the divorce. Elon & Nige had barely consummated their marriage when its over. Last week it was all talk about 17 million quid coming to the Reform party so Nige could be the next PM, and now Musk is calling for a new leader of the Reforms as he’s declared Nigel unworthy. Why? Because Elon wants Tommy Robinson to become part of Reform. Once he comes out of prison. And he is ‘far right’ in anyone’s book. Ok, he has a strong ‘pro-Israel’ stance, but only because he hates Muslims more than he does Jews. At the moment.

But Farage, who has spent the last 10 years distancing himself from The British Nationalists and the Britain Firstists and the National Nasty-ists cannot hook up with a virtual neo-nazi or anyone even tainted as such.

What Musk also doesn’t get is that the Reform party is the Farage party. No-one voted for them before he joined and no-one will if he’s not there. Its not a matter of ‘replacing him’ because he is so much greater than the party. Because even those who really don’t like much of what Farage says, like me, will always listen to him because of his openness and honesty and his ability to ‘get’ the common man. Like me. More than any other politician.

So once again, my advice to Elon Musk remains as always: just fuck off.

Happy Monday

A xxxx

I wish to talk about prejudice. Today. In a society so full of equality, anti-discrimination and diversity, there is still one terrible prejudice which remains alive and well and was demonstrated just last night, in Brighton.

There is a systematic and institutionalised discrimination against Arsenal. By not just the referees and lines-people who implement the on-field decisions wrongly against the team, but also by the Premiere League which enables this disgrace.

Yesterday evening the referee at the Brighton match actually awarded a penalty against Arsenal. If you can believe that. And merely because of a head-butt. I mean, really? It’s not like the Arsenal player stabbed anyone, raped them, is it? VAR agreed with the ref, but it would do. It’s paid by the same sponsor. Who speaks with a Liverpudlian accent. And this is not an isolated incident. Just this season, Arsenal have conceded other penalties too! Surely someone in the league must have realised this was wrong? And that’s before you consider the VAR decisions which have actually cost the team goals. Ok, they’ve all been shown to be ‘righteous’ decisions, but as judged by whom???

Some very cynical people think that Arsenal’s manager should grow up, grow a pair, stop fucking whingeing like a stuck-pig being gang-raped by a herd of bulls and, sort of, almost… ‘accept’ that shit happens to all teams and that the best way to avoid disappointment from these events is to just score more goals.

Well many of us think that that is a ridiculous attitude which completely misses the whole persecution point. Which is that when other teams are penalised by refs and VARs, it’s justified, or sufficiently ambiguous as not to matter one jot. Particularly to Arteta. But when it happens to Arsenal IT IS A CRIME AGAINST FOOTBALLL!!! IF NOT AGAINST THE WHOLE OF HUMANITY!!!!

In this respect, Manuel Arteta is indeed a worthy successor to Arsene Wenger. Because like the previous incumbent at the Emirates, he alone sees the injustice and the constant discrimination.

Whereas at Spurs, we need no ill-given penalties to lose matches. We can do it all alone, with no interference from VAR, crowd riots, snowfalls, nuffink. We can find our own ways to lose games and drop points. And do so with a consistently amazing range of new-found incompetencies.

I fucking hate football

Happy Sunday

A xxxx

We haven’t been to war against America since 1783. After they dumped a ship-load of tea (a ‘ship-load’ is 3.7 times the size of a ‘shit-load’, for those not familiar with imperial measures) into Boston harbour. They won that war. And look at the state they’re in now, as a consequence. They should be thriving under Kier Starmer’s stewardship, watching the ‘growth’ in the economy as it shrinks by the day, but instead have to suffer all that wealth, money and success. The price of ‘independence’!!! That’ll show ‘em.

Relations improved over the centuries until we developed ‘the special relationship’ in which we simply do their bidding. They invent ‘weapons of mass destruction’, we go and ‘find’ them, even if they’re not there. We go to wars, they come help. They go to war, we help them. It’s ‘special’. But like all relationships, it takes work. Effort. And… compromise. Because most of the time, fortunately, we’re not at war. And that’s when the trouble starts.

Most PMs develop their personal friendships with the President of the day. Thatcher and Reagan had a real lurve. But both were of a political accord. Blair and Bush were almost lovers, because even though it was a ‘lefty’ and a Republican, they were both bloodthirsty war-mongers and found a bond in slaughtering Afghans. Trump and Boris were good with each other, big on flamboyance, low on intellect.

But Trump and Starmer is simply never going to work. Trump isn’t even the President yet and is constantly taking swipes at Starmer. You have a very right wing president dealing with a limp tosser who, regardless of his personal political stance, because it changes daily, has to at very least, appease the hard left in his party. Which has left him almost joining Hamas.

If you then add in to this already toxic mix the world’s richest man, a hard-right, gobby, slobby, genius, that puts the final nail in the coffin of the ‘special relationship’. Because said man owns Twitter. Whatever he chooses to call it. And uses it prolifically. To attack Starmer, and Britain. And much as I find Musk repugnant, he makes some very valid points. Which, unfortunately, align with Trump’s preconceptions and make ‘the relationship’ more tragic than special.

We have to declare war on America. It’s the only way out of this mess. Or declare war on someone else which will bring the Yanks in on our side and we’ll feel the love once more. Otherwise, for all Starmer’s talk of ‘trade deals’, every one of his ‘policies’ has been something of a disaster, and when viewed through a Republican lens, they’ve been a hell of a disaster. To the extent that Musk will now sponsor Farage and his Reform party in a distant attempt to… errrr… to make a point.

Happy Saturday

Well, it would be if Spurs hadn’t lost again.

A xxxx

I’m back from holiday. I’m home. I can tell because I slept in my own bed last night and woke up this morning in Antarctica. It’s so cold, I don’t know how anyone can live here. And Mel went swimming at 7 this morning, outside(!!!! But heated, obvs, she’s keen, she’s not fucking stupid) when it was -2 degrees and dark. I passed. Funny enough. Preferring to do my swimming in Tenerife. Even more preferably with Lila and Joey, then I don’t have to do ‘lengths’ but just ‘play’. I’m as dedicated a swimmer as I am a Padel… person? Player? Whatever. Anyway, it was a wonderful trip. We went nowhere, saw nothing, ignored the volcanos, the lagoons, the ‘special beaches’, just a 5 hour coach ride including 14 stops to see ‘local’ (read: Taiwanese) produce and have the ‘opportunity’ to buy it!!! We stayed on the lovely resort, leaving only for walks along the really gorgeous promenade and to go to restaurants. Anywhere you couldn’t get to in 30 minutes on foot didn’t get seen. We weren’t there on a mission of discovery. We weren’t evangelical missionaries intent on converting the indigenous, we just went to lie in the sun and learn to play padel. The first of which was completed successfully.

You go on this type of ‘do nothing’ (NOTHING? Have you met Lila and Joey??) holiday to cut yourself off from reality. And from bad weather for a bit. Yet the world creeps in. I can actually read a newspaper on my ipad! Not, like, in ‘paper’, but it’s there. I don’t like it but it’ll have to do for 10 days. And I learned some interesting facts. One in particular which I’d like to share because you’d never see something like this on the BBC.

There are constant cries of ‘ethnic cleansing’ coming from Middle East protagonists and anti-Israel commentators. And yet the reality speaks differently.

In 1948, the year Israel was born, there were large Jewish populations all over the Middle East. Because they’d always been there. In Lebanon, Syria, hundreds of thousands in Yemen, Iraq, Libya, Egypt, even… Iran!!! Today none of those countries can count more than about 50 Jews in their populations. The rest, whose families would have been there for literally thousands of years, all left or were expelled or killed. Whereas in Israel, in 1948, the Arab population was about 150,000 and today counts 2.2 million. All of whom are full Israeli citizens.

So who’s ‘ethnic cleansing’ now then?

Happy Friday

A xxxx