When I was a kid the only vegetables I would eat were peas, preferably tinned or frozen, and runner beans, preferably… runner beans. Everything else of the class of food which accompanied meat and potatoes was not just disliked but truly hated. Broccoli? Yeuch. Brussel sprouts? Revolting. Cauliflower?? Fuck right off. And cabbage? I’d run out the house if I smelt it cooking. Yes, I blame my parents, totally, not just for raising such an obnoxious little shit of a child but for not force-feeding him all that ‘goodness’. Even doing a Jamie Oliver and burying the offending vegetables inside a massive pizza. Obviously, with age comes… mainly shit, but also changes. I love all those vegetables now. Not merely seen as ‘something to accompany nice food’, not just because I don’t think chicken tikka masala, pilau rice and three naan bread is not a perfectly balanced meal, but I actually love the things I used to hate.

Humza Yousaf hates his greens too. Even if he didn’t, he does now. They stuffed him. Deposed him. Forced his abdication. He was king of all Scotland. He was Braveheart. He was Mel Gibson (he hates Israel too). He was a God. And then the Green Party shafted him so royally he may never walk again. Though he probably will walk alone because everybody hates him.

As the First Minister without a majority in Holyrood, Hamza had an ‘alliance’ with the Greens to support him, create that artificial ‘majority’ for voting purposes. Well that’s nice. What Humza failed to realise was that alliances are essentially symbiotic. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch your (eyes out). And the quid pro quo demanded by the Greens was that in return for their votes and support, Humza would implement Scotlands perilous and rather costly path towards the holy grail of ‘net zero’ carbon emissions. But then, last week, he realised that all that carbon shit is a bit too complicated, bit too expensive, and he has more important things to worry about, like self-identification of trans status. So he told the Greens that the whole ‘net zero’ thing was off the table, not gonna happen, yesterday’s problem. But, of course, you’re still going to support me, aren’t you???

Humza’s rather touching, tear-filled resignation speech mentioned that he had no idea that abandoning the Greens totally would cause such ‘upset and anger’ that they’d in return abandon him and withdraw their support.

Is he a fucking moron??

How could he not realise that without the Greens he is ‘first Minister’ in name only, devoid of all power and credibility? And that shelving all their plans might upset them, having been his promise all along?

Humza can get some solace though, he may have lost his job, his status and become a total laughing stock, but he can still claim to be my ‘tosser of the week’. That should give him some pride.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx