I have a hedge. Its a lovely hedge. Its made from beech trees. Which, unlike the more normal privet hedges, are deciduous. You bored yet? Gardening?? I’ve never written gardening before because… because… because I haven’t. But its fascinating? exciting? scintillating? erotic? well, its about gardens an’ shit, innit? And you have to have something – Read More-
When Spurs lost to West Brom on Saturday I cried. Metaphorically, literally, copiously, voluminously, uncontrollably, desperately, depressingly. In sheer frustration, despair, anguish, anxiety, despondency and because I was really fucking pissed off. We’d managed to lose a game, seconds before the final whistle, to the worst team in the country (at the time) and in – Read More-
I find myself suddenly in the unique and somewhat uncomfortable position of agreeing with Donald J Trump. He of the world’s largest signature, most flamboyant combover and (usually) the most moronic comments. But this was no tweeted soundbyte. This was no twice-repeated and thus thrice-meaningless phrase. This was a speech. With whole words and sentences – Read More-
We’re a nation plagued by weather. And surprised by all of it. We’re all familiar with British Rail’s definition of ‘the wrong kind of snow’ (white, falls from the sky, cold, bit wet…) and particular types of rain (the eskimos have 100 words for snow, even the ones who don’t work for Eskimo Rail; we – Read More-
Donald Trump is a plonker, we all know that. An orange one. And he talks in phrases, which he repeats. So he doesn’t forget what he’s just said, in case it was important, which it invariably wasn’t. He can’t handle whole sentences and so entire concepts are quite frankly beyond his capability. Which all put – Read More-
Just the last word on the local elections. Which were, apparently, all over England. None of the bits that don’t count, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, just us. And more specifically in London, where Labour did shit. Because Labour’s eventual plans for London, should they ever (god forbid a thousand times) come to power in what will – Read More-
So, according to the party leaders, these were the undisputed winners of the two-and-a-half major political parties. Sorry, I can’t give that shambles of Lib-Dems more than a half, and that’s being generous. The Tories won. Labour won. And the Lib dems won. That’s it and its conclusive and final. Because all can in fact – Read More-
Read an interesting article the other day about Jurgen Klopp and his Liverpool team. Basically, what we all know; they score a truck-load of goals but can’t defend for shit. Hence the 5-2, 6-3, 4-2 type scorelines that have typified their season. But rather than seeing this as a weakness, the article used it as – Read More-
So you have, say, a bad tummy, like, last week. And you mustn’t eat. So you buy a bottle of coke; real, red-label, full sugar, dental-enemy, obesity-rated, fat coke. Because of the sugar. Your body needs it. Preferably ‘flat’. Unlike your stomach would be if you drank it any other day of the year. Not – Read More-
Where’s it written? That it has to rain all the fucking time? I’ve never seen that contract but it seems to have been implemented anyway. Yesterday was lovely, sunny, nice. Monday was the day from hell, weatherwise, and today looks like being its demon-brother. Or sister. Sorry for assuming that demons are male. Females have – Read More-