So I watched the game. The match. The big one. Spurs at Man United. And it was… it was… it was just fucking horrible. I know what the rules are; I’ve watched plenty of football. Some (Mel) would say I’ve watched way too much. But the rule is: look for positives. And I looked. And – Read More-
There you are, its true. Must be. It was in the Mail on Sunday. And it is simply the dream. The new answer to the question: “don’t you think you should go to the gym, you fat, lazy, worthless piece of male shit?” is simply “actually I was going to but its probably more beneficial – Read More-
They’re introducing 20mph speed limits on numerous roads in London. What would Clarkson say about that? If he wasn’t in jail (metaphorically) and persona non-grata, he’d be yelling about the freedom to drive dangerously, about the inalienable right of every man to drive as fast as his Ferrari can possibly go, how the namby-pamby tossers – Read More-
We need to talk about Jose. The Morinho one. Little Portuguese feller. Works for Chelsea. And the question is: pretty much as always: is he an inspirational footballing genius with revolutionary ideas and a quite truly amazing track record, or just a moaning little tosser who only sings when he’s winning and is the stand-out – Read More-
The National ‘Elf Service is apparently inundated with people… errrrr… with people… turning up demanding to be… to be… to be… to be checked for possible altzheimers. They forget where they put the car keys and so immediately take a… errrr, black thing… light on the top… yeah, take a taxi to the hospital requesting – Read More-
How did we ever become so celebrified? Why is ‘celebrity’ the most sought after, the most revered, the most… most celebrated thing in modern society? Whassit all abaaart? The front page of the Times today, like this one on the Mirror (but I couldn’t find a nice pic of the Times, its too hi-brow to – Read More-
I might as well get in the queue now for the i-watch. Where should I stand? Which sleeping bag should I take? How many weeks do I need to take off work so I’m first in line? I don’t need one. I don’t want one. But on the basis that I didn’t want or need – Read More-
There’s a new programme on tv. Another competition. Songs ain’t enough. Voices ain’t enough. X-factor karaoke shit-heads is insufficient. Bakers. Chefs. Dancers. Britain’s got (very little) Talent. Maggot-eaters in Australia. Apprentices. Never enough. So they’re doing one on artists. Painters. The next Chagall. A future Constable. Rembrandt for the Facebook generation. I know this to – Read More-
Every day I count my blessings. And then I count the good reasons for not going to Birmingham. There’s never exactly a good reason for going to the ‘2nd City’ (phah! Chicago it ain’t) but I just like to make long lists of great reasons not to go there. Just in case I get the – Read More-
That is the headline in Today’s Times magazine. Are men the new women? And what the fuck is that supposed to mean? That we lactate? Forget how to park the car? Say ‘no more naan bread for me, six is more than enough, and I’ll pass on another beer too’?? But they don’t exactly explain – Read More-