Even been to Cheddar Gorge? Its in Somerset and its really beautiful. Like a mini version of the Grand Canyon. The Petit Canyon, peutetre. Its big, jagged, rugged and naturally magnificent. A bit like me. But fatter. Its half owned by the Marquis of Bath (hippy nutcase who has up to 75 ‘wifelets’ at any time; perhaps not such a nutcase then?) and half owned by the National Trust. Thus is very protected under some kind of Listed status, World Heritage Site, you know; the usual deal  they have to do to stop Tescos building a hyperstore there.

His Lordship wants to put a cable car up the gorge. For tourists. Not for Tesco shoppers. But he only controls the southern half so needs agreement from the National Trust to take plans any further. Otherwise he could only build it to the middle and then stop it in mid-air, which involves gravity problems. And gravity is even more dogmatic than the National Trust. But not by much.

The problem is that tourist numbers are dropping. Which is indeed a shame because its a place to stand and stare and go ‘wow! that is fucking BIG’ and then go for lunch. The Lordship feels that a cable car could bring those pesky foreingers back in droves, bringing their not-so-pesky Euros and dollars and yen with them. And roubles. Shit-loads of roubles.

But its the eternal dilemma; is a cable car an improvement or an eye-sore? Will it help people admire the magnificnece of become a horrible distraction from it? The Niagra Falls debate. Beautiful thing of wonder turned into a cheap and nasty Disneyland ride. Even the Grand Canyon itself now sports a silly ‘skywalk’ thing.

I think tourists are declining because the younger generation don’t like natural beauty. They like looking at little screens. So why not turn the Gorge into a video game? A real, first-person-shooter, grand-theft-auto game in which you strut round the gorge killing the Marquess’s wifelets as they try to run away with the family silver. Produce an app. Then the Gorge, in all its original, unspoiled splendour will live forever unchanged and beautiful (not counting all the blood and flame throwers) in the virtual word and Tescos can build a megastore to provide funding for the area that the contentious cable car may or may not have done.

Then we can get to work on that Welsh coastline and start building some proper roller coasters to relieve the otherwise endless boredom of all those natural beaches.

It just needs some thought, that’s all, then the answers are all so simple.

 

Happy wednesday

 

A xxxx