That’s it, finished, over, done and dusted, the end of the line, been and gone, no more tomorrows.

Because this is the last of my daily emails you’re ever going to receive. I’m done, I’m over it, I’m moving on.

But don’t fret, don’t panic, stop your sobbing, put the razor down, life WILL still be worth living, I promise you. (Unless you’re a Sunderland fan, in which case, go for it.)

I’m going national.

No, international.

Viral.

Supersonic.

I have a blog site. An official site just so I can rant at the world. As I do. So rather than your daily post, instead you’ll go to http://andysglasses.com/ and there it will be. Just like before but with pretty pictures. Ok, pictures of me, so not so pretty but pretty damned gorgeous anyway.

And the first 50 people to log on get…

absolutely fuck all. As do the next 50 and the 250 after them.

The 351st will probably get a virus that’ll eat away their hard drive or their testicles.

But by doing it this way I can get rich. Really really really rich. Through advertising. Its easy. Once I have 28 million followers they’ll be lining up to post their ads. I’ve already been asked about the potential demographic of my readers.

‘Losers’, was the answer I gave. Whereas we really want ABC 1s, what I can offer is XYZ 23s. So I’m hoping for a lot of interest from companies making anti-depressants and viagra, self-help agencies, personality improvement therapists, personality acquisition therapists, gender reassignment companies, debt management, weightwatchers, Scientologists, incontinence pants, ugly pills, breath fresheners, The Moonies, tv-dinners and athlete’s foot powder. For Arsenal fans, sadly, there is no cure.

And you can help. In fact you must help. This is what you do. Tell a friend to visit my site. Oh, surely you must have ONE? Ok, then tell someone on the bus to work, tell the woman in the soup kitchen, tell the clerk in the bank, tell your cosmetic surgeon, tell the telesales person from Bombay that he must log on, RRRIIIIIIIIGHGHTT?

Send the link to your pals, your football team, your auntie in Bolivia, cousin in Luton, anyone who you think might appreciate a morning’s worth of abuse, insult and insanity.

Don’t over-sell it. Just tell them you can offer a portal that will change their lives FOREVER!!!

I can’t make the world a happier place all by myself, I need the population of China to help me. So we’re working a translation facility. Though spelling ‘muthafucka’ in Chinese is causing minor problems. And there’s no word in Xosa for ‘holding midfielder’, but we’ll get by.

And don’t just go and read and piss off again, as if you have anything better to do. Leave comments, send tweets, facebook your, er, faces, do everything possible to make my life better than might otherwise be.

So farewell to ‘the old way’ and bring on the new. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

 

Happy wednesday

 

http://andysglasses.com/

 

xxxx