When you go to Melbourne they warn you: weather’s wierd, you get 4 seasons in one day. We had: summer, summer, summer and summer. All four. Most fab weather ever. Whingeing Aussies; they simply don’t appreciate what they’ve got.

Whereas here this morning we had almost four plagues. The first being flooding. Holy shit but did it rain. Woke me up. Torrential. That’s depressing. Outdoor tennis in the rain is not exactly one of life’s pleasures. In fact its not even played cos its horrid.

So I read the papers. And there was plague number 2. Arsenal beat Norwich City yesterday. And the reports were all aglow with superlatives and gushing in how even more beautiful than beautiful the game is when played in that manner. I almost threw up last night’s Indian. Saw a picture of Jack Wilshire, who seems to celebrate every day with a new tattoo. He’s running out of arms. Soon it’ll be his legs, neck, hands and eyeballs. He’s turning into Lydia (oh Lydia, that incyclopidia)  the tattooed lady. Or maybe just another Beckham. Without the style.

But then the rains stopped. Halleluyah. And the clouds parted. And then… and then… the sun shone. At 15 minutes to tennis.

I am truly blessed.

I may not be the world’s best tennis player. But I’m quick. No skill. Lots of speed. And it works. If you’re there early you can play any shot. Normally. But not today. I was sluggish. Arriving late, playing off balance. Not great. It was as if I was playing whilst filled with a curried lamb shank inside me, rice, naan bread, samosas, pakoras, several bhajis and half a gallon of Cobra beer.

Funny how that happens.

I’m very saddened by football. Its depressing. I haven’t got over the West Ham game and I don’t know that I ever will. And that it was consolidated by the two week hiatus. I hate international breaks.

Spurs currently lie 7th in the table. Frikkin 7th. When we were right up there at the pointed end sitting pretty and looking super. If we win today we overtake Southampton. That sentence alone is sufficient to send me to tears. If we win by 11 goals we go 4th. Arsenal are top. Chelsea won by cheating. Manchester City won because they’re horrible. Only Manchester United continue in indifferent form, drawing at home to (that same frikkin) Southampton. Liverpool don’t count. No-one else matters.

Though things appear to be looking up. I received a speeding ticket on Friday. From our weekend in Wales. I was amazed it was only 1. Though I may ask for numerous other crimes to be taken into account. They like that sort of thing. ‘Sorry I was going too fast, yer honour, I didn’t see the sign saying 50 because I’d spilled my can of lager and was rummaging for another’.

 

Happy sunday

but only if we win

 

Come on you Spurs

 

A xxxx