Why do we do things that will bring us pain? Why are we (well, I bloody am) inherently masochistic in that we invite suffering constantly? I’m not referring to being a Spurs fan in this particular instance, though I feel that is yet another manifestation of the same principle.

Every Sunday morning I read the newspapers and I start with the Mail.

Why the fuck do I even buy such a sad and sorry rag, so full of venom, spite, reactionary clap-trap and right wing rubbish? Why?? Because I need to know what ‘they’ are thinking. I need to know what the massed suggestible ranks of middle England subject themselves to in the alleged interest of ‘the news’. When its filtered through the lens of sensationalist ultra-conservatism. As exemplified by Peter Hitchens.

Today he begs the question as to how the courts can remain true and proper to ‘morality’ when they’ve seemingly abandoned Christianity. What a tosser. Being a conservative he bemoans any changes or progression away from ancient practices. But the courts are not religious. Unless he’s talking about sharia courts and I’m going to take a guess that, knowing his views on such matters, that is not the case. He constantly makes the assumption that morality is solely the preserve of Christianity, without which we’d all be raping our own sisters, eating babies and even driving over the speed limit.

Morals change, subtly, to reflect changes. In 1847 (I’m guessing here; don’t quote me) adultery was a sin and a crime and they had fabulous words like ‘cuckold’ to invoke in such instances. 120 years later hippies introduced the ‘just have sex’ principle to the world and there was a fantastic moral shift, just in time for my teenage years. Bless those frikkin hippies.

And if religion is the sole upholder of morality, then why has it shown such flagrant abuse of that responsibility when confronted with the abusing priests (bad enough in itself) and (far worse) the attempted cover-ups of the practices? My blood doth boil.

So I turn over the page and find that rarest of rare things. Someone from Manchester who makes sense. Even rarer to find such a thing in the Mail on Sunday. But I can’t help but like Gary Neville. He’s no beauty, but that’s not what we pay him for. Gary wrote about how the young generation is essentially priced out of going to football matches. That whereas the demographic of football attendees was predominantly young, over 40 years (what we shall call ‘The Sky years’) that has shifted and crowds are, on average, much older. And mainly, much richer. Because going to football is seriously expensive. Tickets for a family of 4; 300 quid. Couple of programmes, two teas and a horse and rabbit pie, add another £40. Parking the Bentley, 20 quid plus an extra tenner for someone to make sure it doesn’t get scratched. Also phrased as ‘if you don’t give me a tenner I will scratch your car’. That comes to 2,486.93 plus vat. If you get arrested for fighting you have to add legal costs too. Possibly hospital bills as well.

In the 70s I used to go to Spurs for 7s and 6d. Don’t ask, I don’t really remember ‘old money either’, nor care really, its not the point. The point was I didn’t have to ask anyone for the money to go to football, it was manageable from my allowance or from some minor supplement from shop-lifting. We’d sometimes get in free as ‘old Reg’, or ‘young Ted’ would tell us just to jump over the turnstiles as he was rolling up his next fag. Bless him. (Sadly he died from lung cancer in 1969).

The upshot of all this is that people can’t afford to go and instead watch football on tv. Fab atmosphere in our lounge on matchdays. Its just like ‘being there’ but with the phone ringing and better tea.

Money has ruined our national game. And if its going to be watched on tv, why not go all the way and just use CGI facsimiles. Instead of showing real football, show people playing FIFA 2013. Its so realistic you can actually see which hair gel Christiano Ronaldo is using on that day. And you could save all those ridiculous salaries because the players would no longer be real. Thus buying a virtual Range Rover would cut costs dramatically.

There’s always a solution to every problem. You’re just not very likely to find it in the Mail on Sunday.

Happy days

 

A xxxx