We will all share in the mourning of poor Ernie Dosio. Even though we never heard of him whilst he was alive for 75 years. Lots of animals had heard of him. Though they probably never heard the shot of the bullet that killed them from Ernie’s rifle, as bullets travel faster than sound and you never hear the bullet that kills you. Well, bison have ears. Warthogs, leopards, deer, lions, antelopes and yellow-backed duikers. Because Ernie was one of those rich American ‘hunters’ with a room filled with animal corpses. Well, he called them ‘trophies’. And he’d killed so many, he even had a rhino head. All ‘legally killed’. Most things are ‘legal’ if you pay enough money.

But then the tragedy. Ernie was after his yellow-backed duiker (funny looking, hump-backed cross between a cow and a deer and a hyena; but when you’ve killed all the normal lovely animals you have to do something with your spare time) when he and his guide walked into 5 female elephants who were in various stages of giving birth. It was basically a free-form maternity ward in Gambon.

Things to know about African elephants:
1. They’re fucking massive
2. They’re fucking massive
3. They’re fucking massive
4. They’re no fun when giving birth. Not quite as angry as female humans giving birth, but much, much bigger.
5. They are very protective of their young.
6. They’re fucking massive.

Had Ernie known any of this, he may be alive today. But he obviously wasn’t interested in ‘animals’, other than shooting them. So he strolled in and got trampled to death by a few 5 ton elephants. And when I read about this terrible end to a life, I couldn’t help but think:

There is a God. And very occasionally he acts in ways not so mysterious. And because he’s God, He has the ultimate sense of irony.

RIP Ernie.

The elephants have asked if they can have Ernie’s body stuffed so they can put it in their lounge.

Joey and Lila had a tennis lesson yesterday. Their mum gave them some shorts and t-shirts to change into. Joey refused the blue shorts he’d been offered. Because ‘proper tennis players’ only wear orange shorts and white t-shirts. And the properest tennis player of them all is his grandfather. Who only ever wears orange shorts and a white t-shirt. WELL DONE JOEY!!! Who can hit a fucking tennis ball properly wearing blue shorts?? Phah.

Happy Saturday

A xxxx