Here’s a 101 things you never knew about Croatia. And I picked that number, specifically, because we’re here on the Dalmatian Coast. You do da maffs.

Actually, I suppose, it’s 100 things, because everyone knows Luka Modric. Croatia’s favourite son and the world’s most enduring superstar in a game not normally forgiving to getting older. Yet in his 40th year he still captains Real Madrid, the least forgiving team in the world. But after Luka, the list of Croatian famous, infamous, anything really, gets a bit thin on the ground.

So we flew into Split. That’s… in Croatia. We went straight to the ferry port to get a catamaran over to Hvar. That’s an island. And it is very beautiful. I mean why the hell would be spend 12 hours going to a shit-hole? But ya never know.

Because Hvar is quite small, ya kind’a reckon nothing of note has ever or would ever happen here. There’s the whole Serbian issue, there’s the kingdom of Yugoslavia, lots of general stuff, but tiny little Hvar has its own story. Which reads like a who’s who of European baddies through the millennia.

The Greeks came here in 400 BC. Because its a natural port so their ships wouldn’t blow away in the winter, before Johnny Anchor made his famous invention in 1489. The Greeks stayed for a bit, til the Romans came and rebuilt but with central heating installed. They stayed a while until Hvar became part of the Venetian ‘empire’, which is just across the Adriatic and was a bit player in Europe, ‘back then’. Later on the Moors invaded, but never settled here, and later, the Ottomans did. Bloody Turks. No-one likes ‘em. And they couldn’t have stayed long because there’s seemingly no ‘kebab culture’ on the island. More’s the pity. Or ‘Moor’s the pity’, perhaps.

Finally, the Habsburgs took over… and then the Nazis invaded.

All of this, what I consider ‘typical Euro shit’, left a vast legacy of various historical ruins, relics, churches, cathedrals, castles, forts, all you’d expect. Sadly, it’s just too fucking hot here to be bothered with most of it. But enjoyed our walking tour this morning. Whilst craving diving into water the entire while.

I’m loving it here. There’s a wonderfully clean, beautiful calm about the place. And the ice cream is sensational.

Happy Birthday… MEEEEE!

A xxxx