We went to the seaside. Had a day trip. On the train. Sandcastles. Paddling in the sub-zero waters where the English Channel meets the North Sea. So really it was a sort of ‘metaphorical paddling’ done from a distance of at least 50 metres from the water. Less chance of hypothermia and frostbite. Because that’s – Read More-
You see, my problem has always been that I suffer with extreme beauty. Something of a curse, generally, with all those women falling at my feet, it makes walking to the station very slow. But I live with it. Whereas poor Russell Brand is an ugly man who thinks he’s beautiful. And that creates a – Read More-
Following ‘my own, personal, Pearl Harbour’ on Saturday, when a Japanese woman pulled out of a side street and crashed into my wonderful, gorgeous car, I can now report, all is well in the world. Balance has resumed. My yin and yang are once again realigned. My car is… fixed! Yes, it was quick. Having – Read More-
Because of the cost of living crisis, Mr Healey, our Chancellor, will today announce that he is reducing tariffs on certain items of food, which will benefit not just me, but anyone else who eats marmalade baked beans with pickled gerkins on top. You should try it. Its very nutritious (baked beans are a ‘superfood’), – Read More-
What a fab weekend! My car got bashed, a tree deployed itself across my tennis court, it pissed down most of Saturday, I had to play in gale force winds on Sunday and Oxford Street is now closed to vehicles!!! Honestly, I wish they’d close it to pedestrians too. I hate that street. But as – Read More-
You should never ever be optimistic or positive in any way. It just doesn’t pay off. And I don’t mean Spurs. Even though that would be a good rule for Spurs fans. But just take this morning… I went off to Tai Chi at 8. It was a fabulously beautiful morning. I took the top – Read More-
As the world approaches the possibility of entering Dante’s seven levels of all-fuckage, I have decided to share with you a personal survival plan, so you may still be alive this time next week!!!! Never mind war with Russia or the Iranian threat by sending in ‘proxies’ to damage people and property over here. Not – Read More-
My beloved car sent me a message. We do that. It a 2-way love thing. The message said: “FRONT LEFT INDICATOR BULB!!” in the warning box. Oh. That’s an issue. I remember back in the 70s on Esther Rantzen’s show (God rest her soul) about Volvos and their lights. One little sidelight bulb packing up – Read More-
I’m not just ‘a Londoner’, I am possibly ‘The Londoner’. Which I state matter of factly and with no condescension or implied superiority over those poor souls who sadly live in provincial towns and cities, sometimes even ‘up north’!!! You see, I just love London. Ok, north London. I don’t have that much to do – Read More-
It just had to happen. We were all prepared for the sheer inevitability that at some point, given enough games over enough years, even Spurs just HAVE to win one. And we did. Furthermore; it was at home!!! The place where most teams do a high percentage of their winning. But not us. No. We – Read More-