I cannot tell you how proud I am of my Lionesses. I’m proud to be English. When we win things. I’m proud of every single waggling pony tail and waxed thigh. I’m proud of EVERYTHING! Because in all the interviews after the match, they were all proud of each other. The word was used 247 times in 5, 2-minute interviews. Then Prince William was proud, and even the King himself!!! And I was proud they were all proud.

I have to confess that yesterday’s final was the very first women’s football match I’ve ever watched in its entirety. And I was suitably impressed. The passing, particularly by the Spaniards, was at times brilliant. England defended superbly. And yet…

There’s an underlying ‘chaos’ to everything that happens. First touches are a bit clumsy, passes a bit weak, positional play not always as it should be. But I’m being picky, and that’s wrong. And I’m comparing it to… that other football, played by people who possess and act like a penis. This is a different game altogether and must be viewed through a different lens.

It was enjoyable. Ok, I’m a bit football-starved as July turns to August, same as every year bar the ‘big finals’. So I watched it as ‘an event’, and it was great and at times, the football was fab.

Then it came to penalties. And I’m now going to say something which will offend you. A terrible, unforgivable thing which could land me in prison. Here we go:

They should NEVER allow women to take penalties. It simply doesn’t work. They have no idea. Or they have what they think is a good idea, but it really isn’t. There’s something hormonal which prevents a basic understanding of the art of penalty taking. That if you hit the ball hard, INTO THE CORNERS, even a diving goalie can’t stop it. “Hannah Hampton heroically wins the final for England”, rang out the worthy praise for our goalkeeper. And she was very good, and quite lovely, but the Spaniards kept hitting the ball right at her. Or near enough that you could have saved it.

If matches go past extra time, perhaps they should have a knit-off? An iron-off??

None of which affects how proud I am of…

Happy Monday

A xxxx