There was a football match in the afternoon yesterday
Manchester United were coming to play
At White Hart Lane in Tottenham-land
Four a clock kick off, all sorted and planned.

Not ‘four-ish’, or ‘whenever’ or ‘see how the day goes’
But four o’clock sharp, Sky tv’s comin’, everyone bloody knows
There’s 3 million people sitting with hot cups of tea
Waiting for kick off, by 3.53

Oh, wait a minute, United haven’t arrived yet
oooooh, this Loondoon traffic, ‘eck its bad as it gets
There’s t’people in cars, all over’t place
jammin’ ooop t’roads, blooody disgrace

Oh never mind, no problem; we’ll just hang around
you just take your time, at some point, we’re sure, you’ll make it to the ground
We’ll play cards, a nice video game
Stuck in traffic, what a terrible shame.

WHY DIDN’T YOU LEAVE EARLIER, YOU SILLY NORTHERN NOBS
LONDON’S BIG, ITS BUSY, EXCITING, EVENTS, PEOPLE DOING JOBS
ITS NOT LIKE MANCHESTER WHICH CLOSES FRIDAY NIGHT
ALL DAY SATURDAY AND SUNDAY, BLOODY PROVINCIAL SHITE

At last they arrived, Manchester Super United, the very same
Biggest team in the world, at least in their exalted name
We haven’t beaten them at home for 15 long, hard years
In fact 15 years and 40 minutes, all had ended in Tottenham tears.

Not this time, the wait is really over
even if the traffic’s jammed from Newcastle down to Dover.
The game was close, the midfields packed tight
no clear chances, not a goal in sight.

For 70 long minutes the stalemate kept the sheets clean,
But Spurs are great this year; ya know wha’ I mean?
Lamela on the floor, scoops the ball to Kane,
first time pass finds Erikssen running in his lane

A wondercross from Christian, Alli’s played onside
Lovely finish, ball hits the net, my smile’s a mile wide.
Four minutes later Lamela curls a free kick, long and very high
Toby rises above the dross and for United the end is nigh.

But wait, it ain’ over til its over and fat ladies hadn’t sung
so just 2 minutes more and more riches my team brung
This time Lamela finished off the move, fab ball from Danny Rose
3 goals in six minutes, United have a bloody nose.

Unfortunately, earlier in the day
Leicester won at Sunderland so they still hold the sway
But even if we don’t win the league, all is certainly not lost
Because Spurs are simply fucking great and win at any cost.

The team is young, full of budding stars, the future looking bright
They’re full of skill, fast and sharp and never turn from a fight
The manager is magnificent, team spirit riding high
We’re building for the future, (he says with weary sigh.)

Cos I want it all and of course I want it NOW
But who’d’a thought Leicester City might take the mighty bow?
They could lose a game, or two, drop points like in a sieve
So yes, I love my boys and yes, I even still ‘believe’.

Happy Monday

A xxxx