The delightful-(ly stupid and frankly ridiculous) Kim Kardashian has insured her arse. For $21 million. Wow. That’s some arse. Which was never in doubt, but 21 mil??? As the rather lovely Ms K. does nothing, works at nothing, plays no significant part in society other than being herself all over the fucking tv, this insurance renders her simply as ‘a life support system for her backside’. Which in some circles is definitely a ‘career’.

But is it insured for loss? Against theft?? How could you lose something that big? Particularly when its kind of attached in that way that body parts have. Maybe its insured against damage. If it has a crash. Can you insure against cellulite? Drooping? Sagging?? What about third party coverage, for damage her bum does to others?

Kylie famously insured her pert little bum after it was displayed in hotpants on her album (no pun) cover. For £3million. So do they insure bottoms by weight? And do people who’s names don’t begin with ‘K’ insure theirs too? Otherwise that could be deemed alphabetist. Which is illegal under the European Court of Human Rights. If it was done on a weight basis, how would really obese people afford the premiums?

Spurs won last night. Massive game. Immense result. The biggest of the year. 3 goals to 1, (3-2 on aggregate), one fall, two submissions and a knockout. I missed it. Was out at Tai Chi. Which in fact is all about harnessing energy. One of the words, errrr, Tai, or, errr Chi, means ‘energy’, the other doesn’t. That would be needless repetition. And we harness the energy to hurt people very badly. Not Kim Kardashian and certainly not her bottom; I couldn’t afford the excess, but bad people, nasty people, those who wish us harm, those who mean to hurt and those we really don’t like very much, especially if they’re small and frail. So evil people beware! Arsenal fans take note! Look over your shoulder, George Osbourne! Because I’m learning my martial art and will be an officially dangerous person by about 2022, maybe 2024. In time for the Quatar World Cup debacle for sure. I’m turning into a lethal cross between Bruce Lee and Woody Allen.

So football, yes, football. We won, we go marching on. Emmanuel Adebayor is our saviour, our hero, our god. In the next round of the European Whatever It is Cup we play Benfica. A team some people have actually heard of. Which is the holy grail in that competition. All the Latvian part-timers and Bosnian bakers have been eliminated and its just the ‘cream’ of European Royalty that remains.

And thus comes the next dabate. Do we effectively ‘sacrifice’ the quest for a 4th place finish in the league and go all out to win this (poxy) cup? Or do we send out the kids to face Portugal’s finest and concentrate on our Premiership fixtures?? The radio debate was heated last night over that very subject.

The problem is, or perhaps the fact is, we won’t finish 4th. Its already virtually impossible. So I say, go for the silverware. Go for the glory or winning a cup that so many pretentious fucking teams deem so far beneath them. I don’t care what anyone thinks of it, its a major European trophy (well, there’s only two, so its a minor major) and I want to add it to my trophy cabinet. Well, mine’s a metaphorical trophy cabinet, like they have at the Emirates, but to me its real.

Happy dreaming-of-glory Friday

A xxxx