I was just enjoying Sicily, the ice creams, beaches, pasta, sunshine, pizzas and murders, when I learned that Nigel Farage is standing for MP!!! He’s failed 7 times thus far to enter the Palace of Westminster and is hoping for a straight 8. Though picking Clacton, in Essex, is clever. And I can say this, as one who was brought up in south west Essex himself. The people of Clacton are scum. East Essex is a different world entirely. One made up predominantly of racists, blowhards, tottoed white-van drivers (as pointed out so nicely by Emily Thornbury all those years ago) and skinheads. The perfect demographic for Nigel to try and out-do the Cons and the Labs.

I almost cancelled the holiday and flew home to see if I could… help?

But instead, I heroically decided to stay. Because today we’re headed for Taormina, the place made really famous by a television program I’ve never seen. But on the way, we’re going to Mount Etna. It’s not really a ‘Mount’ anyway; it’s a volcano. So that’s ok. Mountains just, sort of, stand there, whereas volcanos do stuff. Pretty serious stuff too. Etna is described as ‘a very active volcano’. But you’re allowed to climb up it, or take the funicular, because Sicilians don’t care about injury and death.

That’s why they eat ice cream wrapped in Brioche buns. Not that it’s hazardous, only to your health.

Kevin de Bruyne announces that he is considering a departure from Manchester City because of the ‘totally fucking ridiculous’ salary offer. Ok, they’re my words, not his, but same difference. If you’re earning north of about 10million a year and barely getting by after paying all that tax, what do they need to propose to make him go ‘wow!!’?. Even though he’ll be reviled by fans and players because of his new employing nation’s abysmal human rights record, as was Jordan Henderson who left Arabia for Amsterdam after just 6 months.

City themselves are now ‘taking the fight to them’. Being forced to defend 115 charges of financial impropriety, they’re now taking the Premier League to court over the right to impose ‘Associated Party Transactions’ rules which prevent billionaire owners from making personal payments to their club by limply disguising them as ‘sponsorship deals’ by companies run by those same owners. Thus giving a massive advantage over the majority of clubs which aren’t Arab-owned. Other than Chelsea who are owned by an American who is probably lower on the morality ladder than Sheikh This and Sultan That. Yet City’s legal team find the APT rules as ‘anti-competition’. To which I have ask: “WTF???”

Keep these hateful billionaires out of MY national game. Unless you’re happy to see the Manchester City ‘parade’ every year. Possibly Newcastle. Chelsea.

Happy Wednesday

A xxxx