Well, no-one gave ‘us’ a chance, but ‘we’ not only beat Brazil last night but thrashed them; humiliated them, put the complete socio-economic fabric of the entire nation back ten years and caused levels of pain, suffering and chest-beating amoung survivors not normally witnessed outside of an earthquake zone.

I’ve never been prouder to be a German. In fact, I’ve never been a German before now. Never had a need to be. But after such a performance, I think its time to seriously reconsider my roots, to dig deep, get in touch with my inner ‘who do you think you are’ and find a Ludvig van Conway (or Ludvig van Cohen, as it would have been) who fled Prussian persecution in 1736 and ran off to instead find persecution in Poland, Russia or points east.

Football is famously a ‘game of two halves’. And I missed the first half. Oh. No. Yes, I did. Was playing bridge. The tv was on elsewhere but running inside to see what was happening every time a goalish cheer went up actually became exhausting during the first half so I sat nursing my cards and pretending I wasn’t German at all. By the time the second half started the match, as it was, was over as a competition. Only Spurs could possibly squander a 5-0 half time lead. Not Germany. They- sorry, ‘we’, are too organised, too regimented, too… too damned jack-booted and straight-laced to collapse under the renewed Brazillian second half assault. Which itself was pretty half-hearted, even after a half time pep talk by Big Phil Scoliari that doubtless included phrases like “THE WHOLE FUCKING COUNTRY IS GOING TO HATE YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!!!!!” and subtleties like that. “No pressure, guys, but if you lose this game YOU WON’T MAKE IT OUT OF THE CAR PARK ALIVE. If the fans don’t kill you THEN I FUCKING WILL!!!!”

Yet I’m saddened, even as a victorious German through and through. Because Brazil (and you always consider all previous teams when you use the word collectively) play the game as it should really be played. With passion, with love, with masses of skill and most of all, with abundant enjoyment. Only the South Americans can really do that. Brazil more than all others. Usually. They didn’t seem to enjoy last night so much, granted. And their loss will certainly deflate the wonderful feeling of the tournament to a degree.

But sadly, reality bites. And if you’re not that over-blessed with true Brazillian superstars, and the only one who can truly claim membership to that wonderful club is out injured, then you kind’a need to sort out your defense a bit. Poor David Luiz. From hero, poster boy (in the absence of Neymar) and superstar goal-scorer last week, to total fucking liability and tosser, in just 45 minutes of the perfect demonstration of ‘how to defend in football. If you’re in the pay of a far-eastern gambling syndicate’. But it wasn’t just Luiz, the entire back four were worse than useless, defensive midfielders became just midfielders and all went to shit as confidence crumbled and inevitability took its grip.

A sad day for Brazil, but here in Germany, let’s break out another case of Leibfraumilch and sing some marching songs.

Happy Wednesday (in some places)

A xxxx