If hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, how about a woman pissed off by inappropriate behaviour by her husband at a memorial service?

Like Michelle Obama in this picture of a picture taken at the Mandela memorial in Johannasberg yesterday.
Barak and David Cameron, flirting with each other and with Helle Thorning-Schmidt, Danish premiere and blond Cameron Diaz almost lookalike, and taking a ‘selfie’. A move that would please anyone under 19. A trio that would give credibility to Tom Daley’s confused sexuality.

Obama wowed the world with his fantastic speech about the ‘greatest liberator’ and super, humble wonderman that Mandela was. Then started fucking about in the stands ‘trying to impress the girls’. The ‘girls’ here being Helle and Cameron, who’s had a rather confused sexuality ever since his days at Eton.

As someone who always finds it difficullt to adhere to correct protocols at funerals and memorials I actually find it rather encouraging that world leaders share my inability to behave appropriately at times of seriousness.

And last night I found myself at a Carol Service. At St Dunston-in-the-West church on Fleet Street. Where I have to sit quietly (unless singing carols or saying ‘amen’) and look serious and thoughtful. Oh dear. If only my mind worked in such a way. Let alone my mouth.

Its an annual event (how odd, eh? having a carol service every year, always at Christmas time; amazing coincidence) put on by C Hoare & Co, the only privately owned bank in the country, if not the world. Its relatively new, only been there since 1652 or thereabouts, owned completely and exclusively by the Hoare family.

And they have 300 ‘worthy’ people to the service, then its all back to the magnificently splendid bank for a seriously up-market piss-up. All champagne and canapees of utter delightfulness and poshness and gentility.

But you have to work for your supper. And that work is sitting quietly in the gorgeous little church. Which is fine. And listening to a truly magnificent choir, who are so good its almost enough to have you believe in some kind of deity.

But then they have the prayers, which are a bit more… prayerish, and of course, they have the dreaded… readings!!!
From the New Testament, I’m gonna guess. And that’s when it all goes a bit ‘Life of Brian’, a bit wey-hey, a bit other worldly. As we listen to tales of virgins getting banged up by ‘Holy Spirits’ (iz dat wot our Ron is callin hisself dese dayz?), of non-sexual inseminations in sheds up by Bethlehem and Nazareth, and I’m thinking ‘can anyone believe this?’ Or more imporantly, ‘did Joseph really believe this???’ Its not meant to be metaphorical or allegorical, but literal. Mary was a virgin. Who gave birth. And her husband, poor, frustrated soul he was, had to believe it was ‘God wot done it; honest’.

I make no judgments. Just drank a skinful of champagne and attacked every tray of food as they entered the room, like the leading locust.

Great night. I wonder if Barak Obama had a good night when Michelle got him back to the hotel?

Happy wednesday

A xxxx