I think Ultravox got it spot on when they wrote the words: “all Viennese are bastards” in their classic song. Possibly their only song of any merit. Ahhhhhhh, Vienna.

Vienna is an exceptionally beautiful city. Amazing buildings, truly wonderful, incredible churches, more sculptures than… than… than somewhere else that has shit-loads of sculptures… maybe Florence… possibly Rome… even Paris. And lots more than Elland Road which just has one. Billie Bremner. Who, oddly, is not represented here in Austria at all, anywhere.

The architecture is simply breathtaking and every building is built with rows upon rows of statues, all different, all representing different aspects of Austrian culture. Which would seem to have been, historically: stabbing people with swords, wearing funny hats, riding horses to war, invading anywhere that you already don’t own, slaughtering infidels, being a soldier, standing on top of someone you’ve just defeated and playing a violin. Oddly, the most significant parts of contemporary Viennese culture are not represented at all. They are, sitting outside for 3 hours drinking coffee and eating cake, and being really really hauty and aloof.

I think the reason for this shortcoming is a practical one, that its very difficult to get ‘whipped cream’ in bronze or granite.

Anyway, me, Mel, Vienna.

Today, as you can see by the picture, has been simply gorgeous. Cloudless, warm, wonderful. We walked 57 miles. We even took a tram (really ‘going native’) up to a quaint little town in the Austrian Woods. Most affluent place I’ve ever seen. Great coffee. Then back to the city to walk more and just enjoy the moment.

The Viennese are smart. I don’t mean clever; that I wouldn’t know as they don’t talk to you. I mean, smart, sharply dressed, clean, fastidious, immaculate. They’re like Germans with attitude. Which is quite a statement. But they’re not Germans. And that’s perhaps the problem. After the last war the Germans were forced to integrate with other nationalities, accept immigrants, open their borders and basically, become more worldly. Austrians didn’t. They started the First World War then sat back and let Germany lose it for them. So the next war was started by that famous little Austrian with the funny moustache, you remember… whossisname. And he was trouble, so again, they sent him to Germany who once more lost the war started by an Austrian.
So Austria was never forced by the international community to make reparations, to integrate, to accept anyone. Other than more Austrians. Leaving them alone to become ever more xenophobic and compose some lovely music. And eat cake with whipped cream.

Surprisingly though, Viennese are not collectively obese. As they really should be because their diet is terrible and they eat cakes all day long, and most of the night. Yet they remain slim so can dress more smartly than big fat slobs. Which enables them to remain the snootiest people in Europe. And with Paris just up the road, that’s no mean feat.

But the city is magnificent and I can almost forgive the nation that was responsible for The Sound of Music.

Happy Monday

A(uf wiedersein) xxxx