The voting’s done, the celebrations celebrated, the back-slapping… slapped and thus the recriminations, excuses, scapegoating and rebuilding begins.

And it starts with the Conservatives. Who now enjoy almost unlimited power, which is definitely a two-edged sword, but we can only wait and see. They also have to consider an entirely new electorate. No-one in Stoke has ever voted Tory before and now Boris is indebted to the residents of that city, and many others like it, for their part in his majority. People who don’t hunt foxes. But probably eat them if they’re lucky enough to find one. People who think its posh if their fish’n’chips are wrapped in last Thursday’s Daily Telegraph. Proper, honest to goodness working class geezers and gels. What Boris previously considered as ‘northern Scum’. But now he owes them an improved lifestyle. And I actually think he will try to repay that debt as best he can. Not that I believe anything much Boris says if it doesn’t make me laugh, but he’s a clever man and knows what’s due.

Not so easy for Labour. How do you cope with such an horrendous thumping at the polls? Your entire plans torn to shreds and flushed down the collective sewer of almost unanimous public contempt. Because that’s what happens if you produce a manifesto so in tune with your own stupid and malign ideology that it has simply no context for ‘the man on the street’. Whether that street be in Finchley, Blyth Valley or indeed Stoke on Trent. Only the streets of London are, apparently, paved with imbeciles prepared to buy in to such insanity and forgive the bullying, the political terrorism and the anti-semitism.

So Labour now have ‘the choice’. Not so much ‘Sophie’s Choice’ as ‘Len’s choice’. Because Len McClusky pulls the strings, being the party’s primary backer via his Unite Union. And McClusky is a Trot. Endorsed Corbyn, McDonnell and momentum all the way to… to total fucking disaster. And they can blame Brexit for everything, they can blame the unpopularity of Corbyn himself, but that would be a grave error. They somehow have to accept that their brand of Marxism is a failed and miserable path to national bankruptcy and nationalised poverty for all. So the next leader should, logically, be someone like David Miliband or Yvette Cooper. Someone moderate, central, sensible. Yet McClusky simply can’t do that. He ousted Miliband once by aligning with the other Miliband, the Ed one, who was far more left-wing and Union friendly. That paved the way for Corbyn to just extend that move ‘a little’ a few years later when Ed proved he couldn’t run the country any better than he could eat a bacon sandwich.

But also in the Labour candidates for the Big Job will be Kier Starmer, who it has been medically proven is one of the ‘undead’. Or Emily Thornberry, who’s a bit leftish. Or worst of all, Rebecca Long Bailey and Angela Rayner. The bastard love children of Bob Crowe, Lenin and some horrible northern woman with an accent that could shatter glass from 200 yards. They would also represent the worst case of ‘plus ca change, plus ca meme chose’ as they’re just female, northern versions of Corbyn. Oddly, no-one has put Diane Abbot’s name in the hat.

The Lib Dems need a total re-think, the Brexit party can just die and the Greens are happy with their one remaining seat. Scotland is a whole other story.

Happy post-election days

A xxxx