I’ve noticed something. Done some tests. Made an hypothesis. Using very small sample numbers. Mainly; my family. And this is what I’ve found.

That ‘kids’ (young adults/late teens) don’t want to watch the same tv programmes that we do. Yeah, nothing revolutionary about that, I loved Monty Python as a kid, my mum hated it. In the days before remote controls (yes there were tvs BEFORE remotes) I could just cover the 12 yards of lounge space more quickly than mum, so I won. Though often with my brother holding her down, just in case she had a Carl Lewis attack or something. But there were programmes we all liked. And of course with only 3 channels to choose from it wasn’t like you could always turn over and watch Terminator like we do now. Ok, like I do now.

But the difference is that we default to dramas. Cop shows. Maybe hospital shows. Thrillers. Total detachment from reality. And our kids default to reality. Or a possible reality. In which groups of uneducated young people with loads of tattoos get really drunk and have sex with each other, with themselves and with each other’s friends’ partners. And talk about it. Endless fucking talking. Its only the accents that vary. Maybe its set in Beverley Hills, maybe Chelsea, Essex, the Welsh Valleys, the Geordie Shore. But its about relationships. Which could be worthy. Except they’re shallow, dim, wanky type relationships about things that are of no consequence to anyone except those unfortunate and pathetic enough to be involved in them. And evidently to the kids watching them.

Thank The Lord there’s always football to join the family together. And bring back NYPD Blue. The Only Way Is Wallander.

Chris Waddle, who himself was an active member of miserably failed England World Cup squads, so he knows from what he says, even though he says it in a very ‘3rd person’ way implying things were different in the 1980s, which they bleedin’ weren’t, Chrissy baby, blames everyone and everything for our nation’s failings in Brazil. The delusion that ‘the premiership is the best league in the world’ implies that its the Brits what make that so. Whereas in fact its just the money that does it by bringing in the the truly world class acts who obviously aren’t English/British. So what’s the answer? What is even the question?? As we have a massive population of predominantly obese football watchers who’d just love the chance to earn 300 grand a week to kick a ball around cluelessly. Just think of all the doughnuts you could buy with that. Other countries with tiny populations do so much better.

So here’s my solution. One I think would gain approval from Michael Gove, the education minister as well as the health department too.

Take all boys aged 5 to 18 out of normal ‘school’. They never learn anything anyway. Starve them, put them in the gym and teach them nothing but football for 13 years. Footballers have no need to read or write; they have agents for that, and it would free up loads of school places for girls, who do much better at education anyway. And with no male competition, the ‘glass ceiling’ in business and industry would be blown away as there’d be no boys/men to take the best jobs; they’ll all be playing football.

A win-win situation all round. And maybe then we could win the World Cup. Maybe.

Happy saturday

A xxxx