The biggest killer in the world today is dementia. You’d think it was Assad, ISIS, moped-riding stabbers, but you’d be wrong. Dementia. And the best way to avoid it is to eat. Ok, I’m listening now. And salivating. Going to McDonalds to ‘eat my way out of mental disease’. Make that 3 Big Macs and 4 cheeseburgers. Then they go spoil it by telling you its all about WHAT you eat. That previously a ‘mediterranean diet’ was deemed the most righteous, whereas now we’re going ‘Nordic’. Because in a study in Stockholm, those adhering to the Scandi way were 80% less likely to show cognitive decline. 80%!!! That’s a very big number. Highly significant. The poor, dribbling, incoherent 20% ate other stuff, presumably. Suckling pigs. Earth. Sugar Puffs and almond croissants.

The Nordic diet is as follows: apples (I eat them already, every day), fish (eat loads of that too, and if you include tuna mayo on a granary baguette, I eat it every day too), tea (no problem), water (more of a problem), then it gets a bit technical about different types of unrefined sugars and starches, none of which, I’m gonna guess, is gonna be found in a Mars bar. But fruit juice is BAD. I get that, never drink it, spoils the vodka. So basically, I don’t really think you need to go to Helsinki to buy your groceries. Nor even to shop at Iceland. Just eating the stuff you know you should and cut back on the good stuff. Sorry, cut back on the stuff you really know you shouldn’t.

Off on a slight tangent was the other news today, even making the front page, that middle-class life expectancy is greatly reduced by dementia. Middle-class… hmmm… Not Upper-class because they have servants to suffer dementia for them. Or they all have a head start due to tragic in-breeding in the Victorian era. And not Working Class because they all die in industrial accidents. Even though we have no manufacturing industry any longer. And if we do its so protected by ‘elf-n-safety that you’re probably safer in a foundry than ‘working from home’.

But its middle class because that’s where the increase in longevity has been most marked for decades. They can afford better health care and nicer holidays. And better food. From Denmark. So the greatest downturn is there, due to the upturn in dementias.

The King of Norway must therefore be the person most unlikely in the entire world to suffer from Alzheimers.

And me, as a middle-class total pig, the king of eating bad things, had better watch out.

Happy Tuesday

A xxxx