Houston, we have a problem! Though for ‘Houston’, read ‘society’ and it’ll be more accurate. Because last night on Question Time a woman asked a brilliant question. In the light of the terrible abduction and murder of Sarah Everard in South London there’s been a surprising (in its extent and magnitude) outpouring of ‘I was followed, shouted at, molested, attacked, groped, filmed, raped… by a man when on my own’ stories. And her question was: when is this going to be seen not as a ‘women’s problem’ but as ‘society’s problem’? And I thought: ooooooohhhh. She’s right. And she was a bit of a babe, to tell the truth, so I even listened. 

Yet really, its worse that just a  ‘society problem’ because it happens, in varying degrees but marked by their common similarities, virtually everywhere. In India women are raped frequently. Often by gangs. Who virtually never get prosecuted, even when known. In many countries it is almost, if not exactly ‘allowed’ then at least condoned by laws which blame the woman. Because she was wilfully and persistently… female. Its a problem anywhere where alcohol is sold and anywhere where it isn’t. So its not so much a ‘society problem’ as a ‘chromosome problem’. Because wherever there are men, women get attacked. Could be coincidence but it really isn’t. And I don’t know why. Which makes it much harder to cope with or permanently change. 

Its just a ‘sticking plaster’ to say ‘women must be more careful!’. That they shouldn’t walk alone at night, exercise near building sites or housing estates, shouldn’t wear heels, get drunk, dress provocatively, smile in public, frown in public, look too available, look too aloof, look… like THAT! Its the fact that they even have to think about it which is the problem. 

So its ‘education!!’ they cry. Men need to be told, from when Joey’s age, that women are to be respected, adored, revered (they do that already) but NOT TOUCHED without permission. And  that’s the problem. I blame evolution. Because the Darwinian model  is not about survival of the fittest in a ‘she’s a right fit babe’ way. Its about reproductively fittest. Able to produce more progeny. Thus nature’s elaborate way of creating sometimes ridiculous things, like a peacock’s feathers, which exist just to attract a mate. And there are loads of elaborate appendages and extensions and designs which actually sacrifice practicality for desirability. And they work. Which is why God designed women to be as alluring and desirable as possible. 

The bit that’s needed to be understood is that, unlike with most other animals, rape is a crime. Grabbing, groping, sexual harassment, all crimes. Dogs go round sniffing arses but if boys try it THEY WILL BE ARRESTED! As they should be. 
Men’s role is to ‘find a mate’. Consenting, agreeable, even keen. Everyone else is strictly out of bounds and off limits. However fabulous they may look. Its like the old saying: God gave men a brain and a penis but only sufficient blood to operate one at a time. How you overcome that without medication is precisely what is required. And as a (worrying) husband, father of daughters, grandfather, I hope they work it out soon. 

Happy Friday

A xxxx